


Nooses Around Necks And Bones Made Of Brick

by Kanra_chan



Series: Caught In The middle [3]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Fluff, Graphic Description of Corpses, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Murder, Mystery, NSFW, Original Characters - Freeform, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2018-12-22 07:22:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11962518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanra_chan/pseuds/Kanra_chan
Summary: After several murders pop up in Ikebukuro and all around Tokyo, the rise of a new gang brings trouble for everyone. Find out what happens when Izaya and Shizuo, both struggling with inner demons, get pulled into the mess!





	1. We Can't Take The Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Ah God, yeah yeah yeah I know. Where's the fluff? ...Sorry! I can't make it happen yet. I'm not writing a cute little yaoi manga, I have to drown them with angst first cause I'm super fucked up so don't have your hopes high for anything good to happen in these first few chapies. 
> 
> Sorry! Kanra still loves you!

_"And there have_ _been a surprising increase in murders lately, all around Tokyo. Though Ikebukuro seems to be where most of them are found."_  Shizuo was watching the news, though he wasn't really paying attention. Three days. It was three days since he's left his apartment, since he quit his job, since he stopped caring.

 _"The_ _bodies are found missing all their teeth, to note one very disturbing detail we've learned. Cause of death in these bodies, now up to a total of 7, has yet to be released."_  The reporter at the latest scene carried on, a news anchor nodding along with her from the studio. Police are moving around in the rain behind her, a small body covered by a white sheet wheeled away in the background.

_"And there have been symbols painted over the bodies, is that correct?"_

_"Yes, that's right Shinta-san. Red symbols, always the same, are painted over the victim's naked bodies. Some speculate it's a word in an ancient language, or a rune to be more specific."_ A little girl. The latest body was a little elementary schoolgirl, currently still unidentified. _"Police won't tell us whether or not they've identified what the symbols mean but one thing's for sure, there is definitely a new cult in Ikebukuro."_

 _"Thank you, Akagi-san. Up next we'll be bringing you latest on the brewing war between America and North Korea and just where we stand on that. But first, the weather."_  They cut to another man in a suit, making bad jokes about the constant rain and umbrellas.

It had been raining for two days straight, shittily enough. It matched his mood perfectly, at least. It was august but it was already bitingly cold, seeping into bones and allowing viruses to fester easily. Tch, talk about the weather. Shizuo already knew the weather forecast, shitty. It was shitty with a chance of everyone being assholes.

No one was a good person, not really. He wasn't. Izaya wasn't. Celty, Kasuka, Shinra, Kadota, none of them were good. And the city was being taken over by the next new villain, child murdering assholes. It was sick, everyone was sick and going to burn in hell. Him included.

He quit his job because it didn't matter, nothing did. His apartment's rent has been paid 10 months in advance by his brother, for his birthday. Which means he has until November before he needs to start paying again. He’s got  some money saved because of this, so for now he’ll be okay without his job. Tom had been worried, of course, but Shizuo hardly cared.

He was finding it difficult to care about anything aside his new revelation and his own shortcomings. His mind was like a distraught game of tennis, bouncing back and forth between Izaya and how much he hated himself. Eventually one side would lose and he'd focus on that for a little while, until the game picked back up.

Right now the losing side was in his own court of self hatred, because he refused to dwell on the flea any longer than he had to.

~~Aww, you don’t love me anymore, Shizu-chan?~~

That was fake Izaya, in his head again. He hadn’t really left since the day he’d killed the alternate version. He hasn’t told Shinra, doesn’t want to be analyzed again. It was Shinra’s idea to do that shitty therapy with the machine that’s scarred him for life anyway, like hell is he gonna go and let him make it worse.

~~Don’t ignore me, Shizu-chan. Aren’t we pals?~~

No, no they fucking weren’t. The voice was a constant presence, one he couldn’t control and one that wouldn’t go away. Ignoring him helped, sometimes, when the flea in his head sulked. Other times it backfired horribly. He hopes this is one of those times.

~~I helped you, unless you’ve forgotten. Why be so rude to the only person who’s willing to talk to you?~~

No, he wasn’t going to give in. It was probably a side effect of the drugs in his brain still. It’ll stop soon, it has to. Besides the voice never helped him, not really. Why would it now?

~~Shiiiizu-chaaaan. Don’t you wanna vent about these problems you’re having? I can help.~~

That had to be a fucking lie. The voice was part of himself, and if he couldn’t help himself then how could this part help? Bullshit, mental Izaya was bullshitting him as always. He couldn't be helped.

~~I can also make things much worse, if you keep ignoring me like this. Don't be ungrateful.~~

He turned up the volume on the news louder, though he wasn’t paying attention. He was focusing too hard on the noise of the TV and not the noise in his head. The words of the news anchors were blurring together, and for a moment his head was silent.

~~Izaya would be so disgusted by your feelings that he’d probably go ahead and end your life. You know he could do it too, if Shinra found the right drugs to keep you down then the real Izaya can, too.~~

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck fuck. He was right. The voice was right and there was shit he could do about it except hole himself in his tiny home and pretend it was all a lie. But  though the walls were comforting maybe he should get out some, maybe distractions would keep the voice away... _'Fuck, I'm so messed up...'_ HE thinks, breathing out a harsh sigh. 

“I need a smoke.” He mumbles aloud, getting off the couch and heading to the door. He slips on his shoes, leaves his coat on the rack even though it’s raining, and slips out the door to the gas station nearby.

He’s soaked quick, heavy rain washing over Ikebukuro like it’s trying to clean away the sin of a corrupted city. It’s not helping, only washing away the scents of restaurants, perfume, shops, and magnifying the smell of stray dogs, blood, and garbage.

And with all the ugly scents clogging up his nose and the voice clouding up his head, it’s a wonder he even notices Izaya at all. He freezes where he is, winding picking up to ruffle his hair and clothes. He watches, numb, as Izaya leans back and readjusts his coat against the building he’s taking shelter under.

He doesn’t step forward, doesn’t grab the vending machine or the car nearby and hurl it at his enemy. People still start to scatter, a man even trips in his haste, gets trampled by the crowd rushing away from danger. He gets back up on his own, hobbles away from the pair as fast as he can.

Once the crowd is gone and he looks away from where the fan had been, he looks back up to meet red eyes a few feet away. He’s moved when Shizuo wasn’t looking, grinning at him like a snake. He’s a man holding all the cards, even if there’s nothing to prove and no need to strike.

“Shizu-chan, hello! Welcome back to the land of the living, how is everything?” He’s speaking in a very friendly way, sarcasm dripping over words saying that he cares. And Shizuo, he can’t bring himself to move. Usually he has problems holding back, now he can’t even snarl back.

He can’t because in his mind his hands are still splattered with blood and brain and bone. Replaying over and over when he smashed a rock through his skull and came to a conclusion he can’t face.

He loves the smirking son of a bitch in front of him. That love will never be returned, either. In the end he can’t even justify this love in any logical way or even begin to grasp anything beyond that fact alone.

So what should he do? Fake it, he supposes. Smash the pest with a car and wait for the next fight.

“I thought I told you I’d kill you if you showed your face here.” He says, loud and clear over the rain. Izaya stalks a little closers, one foot in front of the other and looking too smarmy for something as simple as walking.

“Ah yes, but isn’t that what you always say? Careful, you’re a broken record at this point Shizu-chan! Broken in more ways than that, too."  He chirps, smiling in a way that suggests he didn’t just insult him. Shizuo is definitely a broken something, alright.

“Yeah? Good, then we’ll match when I break your face!” He snaps, wishing he was a little witter. Izaya just looks pleased, spreading his arms wide. The glow of the convenience store behind him makes him look almost like something holy. It’s a fitting image, just the kind of thing a demon like Izaya would go for.

“Go ahead and try, beast!” Izaya purrs, his expression going past sadistic joy and edging on mania. Shizuo swallows thickly, staring at his enemy without the ability to make a single move.

Well, do something! He’s going to find out. The Izaya in his head hisses, and he pushes his feet forward. Rain splashes with his stomps as Izaya lowers his arms. He’s smiling, still, but he’s also analyzing. That’s never good.

He’s moving through the right motions, fists clenching, right arm raising. Izaya’s head is tilting, body tensing to duck away and going through their dance with practised ease. Except when his fist is close enough that Izaya usually moves away, this time he doesn’t. Just stares at Shizuo expectantly who doesn’t have time to properly divert his fist fully away.

It collides with Izaya’s chest, his body flying back and splashing through the water covering the street. He hits the building behind him, back colliding with hard brick and water droplets arch through the air with the force. Izaya winces, head smacking back hard but he still laughs, loud and startling over the hiss of rain and distant traffic.

“Fuck!” He hisses, over Izaya’s laughter. “Why the fuck didn’t you move, dumbass?!” He’s furious, anger coming now and it’s not just at Izaya. He’s hesitated, he’s hit the asshole he like likes, and now he’s shown weakness.

“Interesting!” Izaya pipes up, shifting to stand up against the wall behind him. He leans against it, like he needs the support after getting hit that hard. Shizuo is 99.9 percent sure he’s bullshitting and playing it up but it still makes his chest constrict.

“What’s interesting, insect?” He spits, irrationally angry as always.

“Your behavior.” He tilts his head, sly eyes dark and resentful.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” His voice is harsh but quiet, nearly getting lost in the rain.

“You’re showing signs of anxiety. You came to my house acting pathetic, you forgot you were in a hospital gown, you’re in this rain without a coat, you didn’t attack me when you saw me and just now… you tried not to hit me.” It’s correct, all of it. Damn, leave it to Izaya to analyze everything and find every single weakness without even trying.

“So what?” He sighs, running a hand through his wet hair.

“ _So_ , it’s disgusting. Stop acting as if you’re capable of anything other than your basic animal instincts.” A knife comes flying, stabbing into his shoulder before he can even blink. “Monsters like you are only good for hurting people~!”

“Fuck you!” He rushes at him, and this time Izaya doges. His fist goes through brick, shattering a wall of the little convenience store before them and allowing rain and wind to pour in. He’ll feel bad about it, later, but right now the sight and sting of blood being washed away the second it seeps from the cuts on his knuckles is so satisfying that he can’t care. It’ll be even better when it’s Izaya’s head in place of brick.

“Hah, there’s my beast!” He turns, rushing down an alley and turning a corner sharply. Shizuo follows as always, water splashing around them and blood boiling in his veins.


	2. We Can't Take The Chase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO WARNING there is a dead body in this and some description. Its not as bad as it might be in the future but still, be warned. 
> 
> Also, OCS. Male ones used for plot purposed, nothing like self insert, but still.

Izaya dashed down an alley, past repetitive brick walls and further into a dark, wet maze. His monster was back. The beast that had been slumbering for so long was _finally_ back and chasing him again. Sure, Shizu-chan wasn’t completely normal, he was acting sort of pathetic really, but he was chasing him again and that was a start. 

He'd spent four weeks, closer to four and a half now, without running for his life. Two weeks alone in Shinjuku, waiting to make a grand reappearance after giving Shizuo some false hope. Two weeks by the idiots bedside, waiting for him to wake up until he did and ruined all of Izaya's hope by being mostly peaceful. Three days of walking freely around Ikebukuro and waiting for the beast to come running. And now he finally has.

He’s zipping around corners fast as lightning, and though Shizuo is fast he’s starting to fall behind. He’s keeping up well enough, though, without being able to smell or see him and Izaya isn’t sure he’ll be able to lose him completely. If he can’t he’ll have to fight, possibly to the death.

There’s always that risk with Shizuo and nothing makes him feel more alive. No one makes him feel more alive. As always, this could end up being their final fight, tonight in the rain where violence consumes them both.

Or, well it would have been something like that if he didn’t turn a particular corner deeper into the maze of dead end alleyways and find a group of teens in red surrounding a naked body.

He stops dead in his tracks, feet sliding a little in the rain. He moves back, ready to duck around a corner possibly spy but a hand comes from his left and across his shoulders to cover his mouth and grab his right arm keeps him from doing so.

“Yo!” The man greets, keeping a tight hold over his mouth. Izaya uses his left free hand to reach in his pocket for a knife but at this angle he can’t hit the man’s face or torso, and he can’t move his head down to find a thigh that isn’t his. Instead he opts for slipping the knife into one of the secret pockets in his coat sleeve and lets his arm and body relax.

“Oh, you sure gave up quick.” The guy whistles and drags him forward to the group that haven’t noticed them yet. “Hey Hero, text shark. Tell him to bring extra stuff.” There are three boys gathered around a naked woman. She’s on the ground, unmoving and completely bald. If it weren’t for her rather large breasts he might have assumed she was a man.

He can’t tell what she’s died from. Maybe rain is washing away blood, she’s face down so he can’t see any injuries on the front of her body, but something doesn’t seem right. All the boys are clothed, and it doesn’t look as though they’ve done anything sexual to the body.

“On it!” Chirps a boy, supposedly Hero, who goes under a small roof hanging down over a barred up door to pull out his phone and text this Shark fellow. Another boy follows to stand next to him, and close together he realizes how similar they are looks, the only difference being hairstyles.

There’s also a man off to the side, staring at the body with possibly the saddest eyes Izaya has ever seen. He looks like he might cry, which is bizarre with his huge bulky frame and menacing appearance.

“Oh, sorry Alpha.” Comes another voice, and Alpha turns both of them around. It’s yet another boy, japanese and honestly he’s creepy. He’s smiling wide with small pointed teeth and slicked back wet blue hair. He’s kind of reminiscent of Shinra, were he a super villain. “I’m already here.”

“Damn.” Alpha sighs, shaking him a little. “Think you got enough stuff to take care of this guy?”

“No, we need that for later. But dude, that’s Izaya Orihara! He’s famous. Famously hated, even. We can just give him some bleach and let the police speculate on who did it.” Shark grins wider, digging around in one of the bags he’s carrying. Izaya can see the other boys watching passively from the sidelines.

"You got enough?" Alpha asks.

"Yeah." Shark replies easily, smiling at him. "Just need around a cup, I have plenty." Alpha’s hand slides down to brace against his jaw when Shark pulls out the bottle and sets the rest of the bags down. They quickly fill and spill with water. It’s a big bottle that Shark is holding, and he thinks he spots another one in a waterlogged bag. He stays relaxed, smiles at Shark when he twists off the cap and comes closer in the dark. His mouth is free enough to talk, even with the hand gripping his jaw.

“Pleased to meet you.” He greets calmly. Shark smiles back, black eyes on him as he comes closer.

“You won’t be for long.” He laughs. Alpha moves his head, wet cornrows brushing against Izaya’s cheek. He’s motioned another boy over, the big sad one.

“You’re probably right.” He smiles back. “But you’re not gonna be very happy either.” His tone is confident, final. Shark doesn’t buy it, but Alpha takes the bait right away.

“What are you talking about?” He asks, grip painful suddenly. Izaya stays cool, glancing down briefly at the odd red necklace Shark is wearing. The other boys have them, too. 

“You know who I am, you know what I can do, and yet you’re going to kill me. It’s a waste, I can tell you have potential.”  
  
“We don’t need help, we don’t like rats.”

“Of course.” He agrees, nodding carefully. He cranes his head back slowly, catches Alpha’s eye and smiles very sweetly. “You wouldn’t want that kind of unfair advantage now, would you?” He asks. Shark laughs.

“It’s bait.” He informs Alpha calmly, cupping a hand over the mouth of the open bottle so the rain doesn't get inside. “Clever bait, but bait nonetheless. We don’t need him.”

“Oh!” Izaya feigns surprise well, nodding his head respectfully at Shark. “My apologies. I assumed from the name "Alpha" that he was your leader, my apologies.” It’s a weak blow, a stab at pride in attempts to get them to keep talking, but it's effective. Just not in the way he wanted.

“What the fuck did you say?” Alpha hisses. He shoves fingers in Izaya’s mouth, yanks his mouth open wide. “Do it!” he snaps, mood flipped fast as Shizuo’s. Izaya makes his move, slicing his knife up and across Alpha’s knuckles and biting down at the same time. Blood wells in his mouth and he can see the dark spilling and washing across his hand in the rain.

Alpha hisses, letting go of his jaw and shoving his off to the side. He crashes into the biggest man, who takes Alpha’s place and holds him still with a hand once again over his teeth and jaw and another giant hand holding his wrists.

“S-Shh…” The big guy whispers, bending down to start rubbing his cheek on Izaya’s wet hair. “O-o-over s-soon. P-p-pr...pr….o-ok-okay.” He stutters quietly, deep voice meek. Izaya isn’t sure what he means by that, but it sounds like he’s sad for Izaya.

“Don’t comfort him, Shakespeare.” Alpha snaps, glaring at Izaya. “He fucking bit me.”

“S-s-small. S-sc-sca… a-afri..ad.” Is his reply. Quieter, so Alpha cant hear, he whispers with lips barely moving, " _S-s-sorry... P-pr-pretty._ "

“Just do it already!” Hero shouts. “Zero wants to go home!” Alpha sighs and nods at the big guy and, Shakespeare, of all things, rubs his thumb over Izaya’s cheek and tightens his grip accordingly. The bottle is again at his open lips via Shark, the stench of bleach stinging his eyes and nose. The tries to bite again but Shakespeare is tougher than Alpha. He doesn't even flinch, and shark starts to tip the bottle. His words aren't going to save him now.

A lampost might.

 _“Just what the fuck do you assholes think you’re fucking doing?!”_  Shizuo roars, swinging a huge lampost to knock shark away. The both hit the opposite wall, bottle of bleach bursting and getting lost in the downpour.

He lunges for them, grabbing Izaya and shoving him into the wall. He abbandons him, moving off towards Shakespeare and slamming a fist into his stomach. The big man gasps, halfway doubles over, but he does not fall. Even bent over in pain, he’s still intimidating. Alpha calls for the other boys but he cuts himself off when the far off wail of police sirens reaches them. 

"Shit!" Shark hisses, gathering up the bags on the ground as quickly as he can. He tosses a can off to alpha who quickly sprays something on the body. It doesn't stick, rain washing it away and just leaving a red spot on the dead woman's side. The sirens are getting closer, and while the other boys are distracted Shakespeare grabs his arm and shoves him into Shizuo's chest. He panics, trying to shove himself away so he can run but he's caged in when the big man leans over him.

"G-g-get p-p-pre-etty a-aaaaway...!" He hisses at Shizuo, pushing them both past a pile of garbage hiding another, longer alley. Shizuo, for some inane reason, simply forgets his pervious anger with Izaya and grabs his hand. They run, rushing down the dark maze and away from the gang of kids in red. Izaya wonders if Shizuo ever even noticed the dead body. 

It's just as well. They were never meant to see it, but he recognized the signs, and the red spray paint confirmed his suspicions. That bunch of kids were responsible for the mysterious murders happening all around Tokyo, and Izaya is probably the only one to realize it. He has a very valuable piece of information now, and he intends to use it. This is, if he can escape Shizuo before the beast comes to his senses.

If he does, this information might die with him. He slips his hand away from Shizuo's grasp, his long wet coat actually helping some even though it isn't a very slick or water resistant fabric, but the beast takes notice. He stops, Izaya nearly crashing into his back, and turns around. Izaya backs up but Shizuo follows, golden blonde hair dripping wet and golden eyes dark. 

"Why the _fuck_ were they trying to make you drink bleach?" He hisses, obviously having seen the label on the bottle. Shizuo must assume Izaya did something, and he debates on letting Shizuo believe that or telling him about the body.

"Boys will be boys?" Izaya laughs, evading for a second. Shizuo looks exhausted the closer he looks, tired in a deep mental sort of way. Izaya knows that look from the faces of his humans he's played with and, recently, even his from own face. Up until tonight, anyway. Maybe he can get away from Shizuo easier than he first thought. 

"What?" Shizuo asks, frowning hard at him. "You trying to tell me they just saw you and decided to try and kill you? Oh C'mon, who would do that-" 

 _"Shizu-chan."_ Izaya cuts him off, staring incredulously. "YOU do that. Every time you see me, since you first saw me!" Shizuo huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. They both know he can't really deny that.

"Okay, yeah, but I know you're a no good piece of shit." He fires back. "I did right from the start."

"Flattering." Izaya huffs. "Though personally I find myself to be immensely charming, perhaps their feelings for me were as strong as yours?" He smirks, and Shizuo looks angry for a moment, before his face smooths back out into the usual annoyed expression Izaya is so used to. 

"Whatever, louse. C'mon, let's go." He grabs Izaya's wrist this time, tugging him back out into the thrum of city. With all the umbrellas, rushing, and slow traffic they aren't as noticeable, but Izaya still tugs his hood up anyway. He doesn't want his precious humans to die in boring car accidents right in front of him, after all. They'll never love him if they're dead.

"Where are you dragging me now?" He asks, letting Shizuo pull him along, if only for the sake of his curiosity. "Back to your cave?" He huffs at the barb but doesn't seem fazed, glances back quickly to give Izaya a nod. 

"Yeah. We're going back to my place." Shizuo says. "You're gonna tell me what kind of sick shit you're up to." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Shakespeare. I love him so much. You might get to see more of the gang in later chapies, let me know what you think of them!
> 
> I have no idea why When You Can't Spell Cliché did well. Personally, I think it was completely terrible. The writing sucked, it was cheesy, small chapters... 
> 
> I hope this one will do better. Otherwise I might have to go back and evaluate that story. XD
> 
> Anyway, comments and reviews give me life! No really, that's 100% my social interaction... XD


	3. We Can't Take The Lust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN AWHILE I WAS LOSING FAITH IN THIS FIC
> 
> But now it's BACK YUS QUEEN

“So I just want to know why the fuck that big idiot called you  _pretty_.” Shizuo huffs, keeping a firm grip on Izaya’s wrist as he drags him through the rain and back to his apartment.

“Shizu-chan doesn’t think I’m pretty?” Izaya asks, feigning hurt as easily as anything else The fucking trickster.

“You’re clearly a guy. Pretty is for girls and dolls ‘n shit.” Is his reply. He supposed the word isn’t entirely untrue, however. Izaya is… attractive. But he’s not really pretty, in the way that Shizuo perceives the word.

“I don’t believe that’s really what he meant…” Izaya replies behind him, slowing down. Shizuo has to tug his wrist to get him walking again. “He acted like….well almost like he knew me.”

“The fuck?” That doesn’t make sense. “He called you pretty cause he recognized you? I recognize Gudetama but I wouldn’t call it pretty.”

“Not like that, you simpleton. I mean I think he mistook me for someone else, maybe someone who  _is_ pretty.”

“You saying you ain’t pretty?” He demands, feeling weirdly offended.

“Shizu-chan just said I wasn’t!”

“Yeah, well... I didn’t mean, It’s not like you aren’t I just- He stops when he hears Izaya laughing. He doesn’t want to lose his temper, they’re only a block away from his place and he’d rather they arrive in one piece. “Just shut up!” He snaps.

“Shizu-chan thinks I’m pretty~!” He yells loud enough for anyone nearby to hear over the rain. Well, they would if anyone was around. Shizuo’s embarrassment grows, and with it comes the panic that he might be discovered. “Shizu-chan think I’m pretty and wants to-!” He’s cut off when Shizuo shoves him face first into a rather deep puddle.

“Not so pretty now, are ya?” He asks, when Izaya shoves himself upright and dripping with dirt and muddy water.

“I’m using your shitty little shower when we get to your place.” He says before dashing ahead, straight for Shizuo’s place. Of course the little sneak would already know where he lived!

“The hell you are- get back here!” By the time he makes it to his apartment the door is open wide and carpet already soaked five feet in. He hears the shower running, and growls.

 _“IIIIIZAAAAAYAAAA-KUUUUN!”_ He shouts, slamming the door with a loud bang. He stomps his way to the bathroom, announcing his rage with every step. He slams the door open so hard it cracks the wall. Again.

“You can come in,” Izaya’s voice echoes around the bathroom. “But you’re gonna see a whole lot of " _p_ _retty"_ if you do. As in, I’m incredibly naked and wet and I kind of doubt Shizu-chan wants to see that.” He’s wrong.

He’s very wrong. Shizuo very suddenly and very much so wants to see that. He can imagine it well, soft and pale and all slippery hot with water and steam two feet away from him. It’s just a curtain, he could yank it open and see. It’s just a door behind him, he could jam it and keep the room closed off from the world. It’s just a man, he could pin him down and _just take what he wants-_

It’s that sick thought that allows him to leave the bathroom and close the door behind him. He heads to his living room, pacing the small space. His head is spinning, and he feels sick from his near actions. 

~~You're sick, Shizu-chan.~~

“Shut up.” He says quietly. He can barely hear himself over the rush of blood in his ears.

~~You’re seriously messed up.~~

“I know, okay?”

~~You wanted to have your way with me.~~

“I didn’t!” He denies, louder now. He can’t hear anything but the voice, Izaya’s voice, telling him these awful things.

~~You almost did it, monster. You almost-~~

“I don’t want to _rape_ you!” He shouts, kicking his coffee table clear across the room. The cheap wood splinters and shatters against his wall, and that’ll probably add up to another complaint from the braver neighbors.

 _"Excuse me?"_ The real Izaya demands. Shizuo snaps his head up to find him in a towel, snugly wrapped around his waist and still mostly wet. Izaya tugs the towel up and swiftly changes it to cover his chest as well as his hips and what’s between them without revealing anything. He stands up, and see from years of looking for real reaction in Izaya that he flinches when his shoulders jerk and spine straightens.

“I-I just-!” There’s that panic again, but multiplied by about a 1000. Izaya takes a step away from him, and another, leaving wet footprints in his carpet.  ~~‘Oh fuck, oh fuck, not you too, don’t be afraid of me!’~~

“Of course not! I-I was just kidding!” His argument doesn’t make sense he knows but he’s too panicked to care. Izaya’s eyes widen, and his grip on the towel tightens.

“That’s denial, Shizu-chan.” He breathes, Glancing towards the door like he’s ready to make a break for it despite being in nothing but a towel and the rain pouring outside. Shizuo can’t let that happen, though. “It’s all over your face, you just lied and you want to-”

Izaya stops talking and just rushes off to the door, but Shizuo is ready. He catches him by the arms, and Izaya’s immediate struggling forces him to wrestle the man to the floor and pin him still. Izaya fights harder on the soaked carpet, wet hair plastered to his forehead and towel starting to slip.

“Don’t be afraid!” Shizuo blurts. He’s ten times more terrified than Izaya at the moment,  breath coming uneven and heart racing. He’s panting to get enough air in, eyes wide as saucers and probably looking crazier by the second. Izaya stops struggling, looking almost frozen for a second before he does his best to relax and appear calm, even though Shizuo knows he’s anything but.

 _“This-”_ Izaya stops to suck in a deep breath, shaky and quick. “This isn’t you, Shizu-chan. You’re not like that, _ne?_ So just let me get up and go home okay?”

 _“I can’t.”_  He gasps, crouching lower and closer to Izaya, trying to find a position that will let him breathe. Izaya squirms, trying to pull his restricted arms closer to his body to hide his slowly being exposed chest. Shizuo tries not to stare, and fails.

“Shizu-ch, uh,  _Shizuo.”_ Izaya amends, and that gets his attention. “This isn’t you so, get off of me _okay?”_ Izaya’s breath is starting to come quicker, panic overtaking him as well. It’s scary, he’s scary. He’s gone and let Izaya think something awful, and now he’s pinning him nearly naked to the floor of his apartment and giving him the idea he’s going to do said awful thing.

He slowly unclenches his fingers from around Izaya’s biceps and lets his breath out slowly. He’s left bruises, already starting to blossom like five purple flower petals on each arm. He doesn’t get up, though. Instead he stays crouched over Izaya, lifts a hand to cover the assholes mouth so he’s not interrupted. It’s scary, but it’s going to be much better for everyone if he just explains himself.

“I like you.” Well, he never said it was a complicated explanation, though it felt that way in his head. And his heart. He removes his hand from Izaya’s mouth. It takes him a minute to reply, looking more confused than Shizuo’s ever seen.

“You...like me?”

“Yeah.”

“So...You want to… fuck me?” He asks, eyebrows drawing low. He tugs the towel back in place to hide his body. Shizuo frowns, taking a moment to get his breathing totally under control.

“No… Well, I mean… kinda. But I mean I  _like_ like you.” He sounds like he’s five but there’s no way in hell he’s saying “love.”

“...Kinky fuck?” He asks, somehow still not getting it. Shizuo shakes his head, frustrated.

“No!” He snaps. Izaya sighs, relaxing some. 

“Vanilia stuff, then.” Izaya nods, grins at him. “I always took you for that type. Men, though? No way.” Shizuo scowls.

“I don’t like just your body. I like YOU.” He’s given a blank stare in return.

“I think Shizu-chan is confusing feelings and lust.” He pauses, “Well, actually the entire human race does that. Love is just stuff in your brain telling you to mate. It hits hard, Shizu-chan, and then slowly fades over time. If you ignore it, I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“It’s not lust, you idiot!” He hisses, annoyed. Izaya just sighs and lets each side of his towel slip away. “W-what are you doing!?” He gasps, fighting to keep his eyes on Izaya’s.

“Just get it over with.” Izaya says, arching his back a little and smirking. “I think Shizu-chan can’t handle the fact you wanna freak with me so you convinced yourself you like me. Well here, go ahead and do what you want then realize it’s just lust" He hooks his fingers in Shizuo’s bowtie, pulling the wet fabric loose to hang down.

“You know you want to~” He purrs, hand sliding up Shizuo’s jaw to tangle in his hair and pull him down until their lips are almost brushing. “Too bad you can’t.” He moves, then, sliding up and away from Shizuo and snatching his towel back. Shizuo stays frozen on the floor, head bowed and eyes wide.

“I’m borrowing some of your clothes!” He calls from Shizuo’s bedroom. Shizuo doesn’t reply, just stands up and walks to his couch. He should probably change his clothes too, at least. Izaya comes back after a moment in his tee-shirt and sweatpants, toweling his hair.

“Now,” He starts plopping down next to Shizuo and wrapping an arm around him. Shizuo is too stunned to shove him off. “Your little confession, if you can call it that, got me thinking…” He gives Shizuo a fake innocent smile.

“I’ll let you do _anything_ , short of killing me, if you do something for me. An-ny-thi-ing.” He emphasizes, red eyes sly and mouth curled on suggestion.

 _‘Anything, huh?’_ He thinks, eyeing Izaya warily. The informant clearly means sex, or any form of it at Shizuo’s will, but he did say **anything.**

~~That would include dating.~~

_‘...What?’_  He mentally asks the voice. _‘You don’t mean....’_

~~You could make me go out with you.~~

His breath hitches, and he turns to stare at the real Izaya. He looks annoyed with how long Shizuo is taking to answer.

_‘But to what end?’_

~~He said anything. If he means it, you can keep me by your side forever.~~

“Izaya…” He starts, taking a deep breath. “When you say anything, what exactly do you mean…?”

“Anything.” He replies easily, hugging Shizuo’s arm easily, like it's normal and not bizarre. “This is no easy task, Shizu-chan! Complete it, though, and you’ll be golden. I’ll do anything you want.” This is wrong, Shizuo know’s it’s wrong, but he’s so tempted.

“And if you don’t follow through?” He asks, and Izaya smiles.

“I will. Ne, after you complete my task then I’ll give you some personally dirt on myself. If I don’t comply, Shizu-chan can do what he wants with that.” It’s a semi solid offer, and though he has no proof Izaya would hand over blackmail material he can always just ask Shinra or punch Izaya until he gives it up. Though he feels cowardly even using this kind of tactic but… worth it.

“Okay. What’s your task?” He asks, and Izaya’s grin goes sharp like a predator that’s made a successful kill.  

“You know that gang we ran into earlier?” He asks, voice a sinful purr. “Murder them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M JUST AS SHOOK AS YOU I SWEAR OMG OMG OMG PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK I WANT E V E R Y O N E ' S OPINION!!!!! BITCH YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSsssssssssssss


	4. We Can't Take The Crazy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaaay so I took this down. I had it posted for a day or so but I decided I didn't like it so I was gonna rewrite it but I never did. This sets things up well enough, I guess.

Izaya has never seen Shizuo speechless. It’s fascinating, he thinks, how Shizuo’s face goes pale at his words. He understands the feeling himself, somewhat. He’s still reeling from Shizuo’s confession.

His worst enemy wants to fuck him. It’s...surprising, to say the least, but he couldn’t have run into a better convince. That gang is smart, getting rid of them would have been very difficult…

But now there’s a good chance he’ll get the strongest man alive on his side and they won’t be able to do shit. He’s not a fan of them anyway. He doesn’t consider that Shark boy to be human, and he doesn’t like the rest of those humans much either. Alpha was too much like Shizuo, the twins Hero and Zero were on such different extremes it reminded him of Kururi and Mairu, and Shakespeare was too damaged and submissive. Plus, they were murdering his humans seemingly for no reason and it pissed him off.

“Why…?” Shizuo finally asks. The question is a good thing, it shows the beast is considering his offer.

“I saw something I shouldn’t have.” It’s the truth, and he knows Shizuo can tell. “They tried to kill me before, and I know they’ll do it again! I really need your help..." He keeps his tone pleading and scared, though currently he feels neither way. Shizuo nods, contemplating his plea. From this close Izaya can see the temptation swimming in his eyes.

“I will.” Shizuo says, finally turning to him. “On one condition.”

“What’s the condition…?” He asks, wary.

“My request starts immediately, not after the...the killing.” Is Shizuo’s reply. He huffs a laugh, surprised.

“My, how demanding. How do I know you’ll keep your offer?”

“You know I will.” That’s true. Shizuo isn’t the kind of man to back down from a promise. He pretends to consider it, though he’s already made up his mind.

“Alright, Shizu-chan! So we have a deal~? You kill those men, with my assistance of course, and I do something special for Shizu-chan!” Shizuo nods and extends his hand. A roll of the eyes and one hand shake later they’re in business.

“So, are you going to tell me what your...favor is?” He asks, purring. He already knows, of course. A good fuck, maybe even ask for a blowjob too. He can do that, it’s just sex after all. He’s not thrilled but it will be easiest to get it over with now instead of dreading it for however long it takes to kill off the gang.

“Remember, you did say anything.” Shizuo reminds him, clearly apprehensive.

“Yes, yes, I know. I’ll do anything you ask.”

“No matter what. And you can’t back out!”

“Of course.”

“Then,” He reaches for Izaya’s hand, holding it carefully in cold hands. “Then go out with me.” He doesn’t meet his eyes, staring down at Izaya’s hand carefully. Izaya doesn’t say anything for a moment, waiting for the punchline. When it truly becomes apparent he’s not getting one, he feels panicked.

Date Shizuo Heiwajima? Has the man gone mad? And for how long? One date? Till they run away to America and get married? For the rest of his life? Why in the hell would either of them ever want that?

“...forever?” Just saying it aloud sends another jolt of panic down his spine, but thankfully Shizuo shakes his head.

“No… Not unless you wanna.” He laughs here, clear to both of them that Izaya obviously wouldn’t want to. But if asked, you couod argue that anyone would say the same for Shizuo. “How long will it take to kill them? There’s what, three?”

“Five.” He automatically corrects.

“Five, right. Then, let’s say… five weeks. I’ll take care of one each week and once they’re all gone, then we stop dating.” Shizuo’s grinning, clearly ignoring his own gruesome task and focusing on Izaya’s instead. Quite frankly, he thinks Shizuo’s gone insane and tells him so.

“I’m not.” Shizuo huffs. “Don’t worry, I won’t demand sex or anythin’.” he's speaking casually now, like this isn't insane.

“You...would MURDER five teens for five weeks of dating your worst enemy?” He demands, leaning away from Shizuo. Sexual pleasure he can understand, people do crazy things for relief and temptation, the same temptation he’s learned Shizuo has suffered from for awhile, only makes things worse.

And he can tell Shizuo isn’t in his right mind, either. His sad eyes show major signs of exhaustion and depression, he keeps pausing looking off to one side like he’s listening for something, and he makes faces like he’s upset or considering things but...in the same way one would during an unpleasant conversation. And this happens when Izaya is not talking, which brings him to wonder if Shizuo hears someone else.

“I-I...I would.” Is Shizuo’s response. He flinches once it’s said, apparently aware on some level how messed up it is. It doesn’t make sense to Izaya, as this is simply not Shizuo. A man who would stand up for the weak and lose his temper at the drop of a hat has been reduced to someone willing to end lives for-...

“Oh my god…” Izaya breaths, eyes going wide. Shizuo slumps further down, ashamed of himself and clearly assuming Izaya is too. But that’s not it. “It’s relief, isn’t it?” He asks, realizating something with absolute clarity.

“What?” Shizuo asks, but Izaya ignores him and powers on.

“I’m not sure why but you’ve come to see me as an escape- as relief!” It makes so much sense to him, suddenly. In Shizuo’s damaged little brain Izaya has become a lifeline, promising the happiness and peace he’s so craving. The wires have been crossed, something in SHinra’s machine must have caused it, which leads to this!

Izaya has become Shizuo’s God, after years of torment and abuse Shinra’s machine messed something up and allowed Shizuo to finally crack under pressure.

“I don’t know what you’re gettin at…” Shizuo says, snapping him back to reality. Izaya just smiles and curls his arms around the neck of his newest pet.

“That okay~!” He coos, kissing Shizuo’s cheek affectionately. “It’s all going to be okay, Shizu-chan.” The beast looks into his eyes, searching for reassurance which Izaya will happily provide.

“I accept your offer, Shizu-chan.” He coos.

“Then… prove it.” Shizuo says, glancing off to the side like he’s acknowledging another presence. “...Kiss me.”

Izaya’s grin drags wide, practically purring as he leans up to press their lips together. For him, it’s like signing a contract. Formal, no emotional meaning, and merely a show of acceptance to the fine print.

He can see in Shizuo that it’s something entirely different. The way his eyes close, the way his shoulders lose their tension, the way his hands twitch and stutter forward to gently wrap around his waist- He’s hooked. Izaya has in one day, after weeks of waiting and silent suffering, caught a beast he’s been trying to tame for years and barely had to lift a finger.

It’s the most satisfying thing he could imagine and it won’t ever end. He’ll never let Shizuo go now that he has his claws in this deep. He is the God of humanity, and those that oppose him will face the wrath of his monster.

Shizuo pulls back first, and Izaya lets him. He’s got a plan brewing now, ideas sparking up and taking root in his brain. So many ideas on how to ensnare this beast in the most entertaining ways are making him dizzy and excited. Shizuo, of course, looks the same way but for different reasons he’s sure.

“So, uh…” Shizuo starts pulling his hands away from Izaya’s waist. Izaya just smiles and guide them back, nuzzling himself forward into Shizuo’s chest. The idiot actually trembles a little, cheeks going pink and eyes surprised. “What now?” Shizuo asks, more than a little distracted from what Izaya can see.

“Hmm~ Why don’t we…” He considers for a minutes, considering the right course of action. “Why don’t we go on a date tomorrow?”

“Wha- really?” He gets wide eyes and an open mouth in return, which makes him chuckle. Well, really he’d love to laugh right in Shizuo’s face and say “Of course not!” just to see his hope crumble but he doesn’t do that.

“Yup. We’re dating now, aren’t we?” He asks instead, and Shizuo nods quickly. ‘Heh, good beast~’ He thinks, wishing he had a dog treat on hand. "I'll be sleeping for now, Shizu-chan, in your bed of course! You may join me, but no funny business~" he laughs at how embarrassed Shizuo looks.

"I'll sleep out here..."

"Suit yourself. Oh, be a dear and put my clothes in the wash?

"Alright." Shizuo easily agrees, and Izaya gives him a kiss.

"Great! You should probably get out of those wet clothes and shower, you don't want to be sick for tomorrow~ Night, Shizu-chan!" He coos, heading down the hallway to where he assumes is Shizuo's bedroom. He hears Shizuo call back a quiet goodnight back.

'This is going to be fun!' He thinks, sliding into Shizuo's freshly made bed. The sheets are cool, soft and perfect against his warm flesh. Even Shizuo's smell is making him happy, reminding him of his- no, their, new future. He's like a kid on Christmas, and it takes awhile before he's able to drift to sleep.

His dreams are good, for once. He's watching Sargent Space with Mairu and Kururi, but this time Shizuo is there too. It's peaceful, and he wakes up in a great mood.  He gets up early, fetching the clothes that Shizuo carefully washed and dried the night before.He changes clothes quickly, folds Shizuo's and places them on the brutes bed after he makes that up nice and neat.

He uses the restroom but decides to wait till he gets back to his appartment to brush his teeth when he finds no spare toothbrush. He scribbles a quick note for the monster sleeping on the couch, and leaves it taped to Shizuo's milk carton where he knows he'll find it. Heading out the door, no neighbors are around and he leaves the area with zero suspicion.

He's got a busy day ahead, he needs to first find all the leads he can on the gang and figure out their patterns. He's giddy, already searching the net on his phone while he walks to the train station.

"Just you wait, boys." He coos, to no one in particular. "We're going to have lots of fun together~."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well?? Thoughts? Ideas? Guesses? Heheheheeee FINALLY RIGHT. It took a combined total of 27 chapters for SOME ACTUAL REAL SHIZAYA. Sure, I threw you guys little things to keep you interested, but IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED.  
> And so much at once!! Can you handle it? Let me know! Also, please be sure to vote on TeamAlphaQ's story The Trouble With Soulmates if you haven't already. It's an amazing story and if in her fic SHIZUO GETS THE COLLAR  
> I will reward everyone with a series of oneshots!!! I'll take requests, IF SHIZUO GETS THE COLLAR, and the most popular five will be made into oneshots. So go vote! There's still time! <3 I love you guys so much, thanks for everything <3 I hope you'll continue to read and like and a comment <3


	5. We Can't Take The Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy guys!!! I'm sorry it's been so long! I've been sick! I'm also sorry about not updating The Bachelor...
> 
> I will this week. I've got some of it done! Anyway, yay for an update!

It’s getting colder outside, Shizuo notices. It’s noticeable in the thinner fabric of his newly bought tuxedo. Compared to the cotton of his bartender’s suit, custom made to be tear resistant and warm, the tux is cheap and stiff.  Still, he’s thankful for the barely there chill. He’s sweating like a pig, nervously tugging at his tie and waiting for Izaya in front of Russia Sushi.

The informant isn’t late, he's learned before from Shinra in idle conversation that one of Izaya's few good traits is that he's never late, Shizuo is just early. Izaya left a note, on his milk carton of all places, telling him to meet him at Russia Sushi at 5:30 pm, and it’s only 5:12 now. At least he has time to let the sweat on his skin cool and dissipate before his date shows up...

 _‘Why am I doing this?’_  He wonders, sighing to himself. Thankfully the streets aren’t very crowded right now, most people driving home from work or sitting down to dinner at home already. Simon had questioned what he was doing,and when he mentioned he was waiting for someone the large man had been over the moon and rushed back inside to prepare a social table. 

 ~~Because you want me~~~  Izaya purrs in his head, and he jolts in shock. Other Izaya, the one in his head, hasn't spoken up all day and he's enjoyed the break. It's easier to pretend he isn't depressed and crazy that way. 

 _‘Go away!’_ He snaps, mentally. _‘You aren’t welcome right now!’_ Sure, the voice has been somewhat helpful but its not healthy. Besides, it's a mental Izaya. It's bound to be up to no good. 

~~And why not?~~

_‘Because I don’t want to deal with two Izaya's. One is more than enough!’_

~~Oh, you’re so mean! Crazy meanie Shizu-chan.~~

_‘I’m not crazy… and if you're really Izaya you should have a better comeback.'_

~~Really, you aren't crazy? Then I suppose hearing voices and talking back to them is normal for you? And as for my comebacks, I come from YOUR demented little head so if anyone is to blame for lake of wit, it's you.~~

"Shut up!" He growls to himself, shivering when a gust of wind blows a particular scent his way.

“Shizu-chan?” The real Izaya asks, and Shizuo turns to find him a few feet away and in his usual attire. He feels silly, suddenly, like a little kid trying to act grownup. “Are you- are you in a tux?” He asks, stalking closer to inspect Shizuo.

“I-I, well uh, yeah…” He’s not sure what to say, words catching in his throat when scarlet eyes peer up at him. They’re a brilliant red now, shining from the city’s lights and the last brightness of the setting sun. He fiddles with his tie, accidentally pulling it loose. 

“It looks good on you,” Izaya purrs, reaching up to properly fix his askew tie. Their faces are close, too close, and Shizuo holds his breath nervously. “I never expected Shizu-chan could look like such a gentleman.” He ignores the insult in favor of the compliment and feels happy for it.

“Um, thanks…” He glances around, but miraculously no one seems to be paying them any mind. That's good, it'll be easier to woo this evil man-child when he isn't trying to kill everyone in Ikebukuro who try to take pictures. 

“Are you ready?” Izaya asks, and Shizuo nods. Izaya steps back and he turns to hold the door open for him. After a few moments of waiting, however, Izaya doesn’t step through and he looks back to find him walking up the street a ways away. He hurries to catch up.

“Where are you going?” He asks, feeling anger rise at the thought that Izaya has decided not to go through with the date after all.

“You’ll see~” He puurs, winking at Shizuo. Is Izaya taking him somewhere special? He’d assumed they’d be eating at Russia Sushi, that was the meeting place after all, but apparently not.

Izaya leads him down several long alleyways and deep into the rougher parts of Ikebukuro, silent until they stop at a shady apartment building. It’s a brick building that looks halfway decent on the outside, nothing threatening aside a small camera watching them. It’s a different story when they step inside, however.

The “lobby” is just a short hallway. It’s empty save for a framed picture of someone's middle finger and a nice little note reading “Fuck off.” Izaya starts up the stairs and Shizuo follows, up to the top floor and past many levels with varying levels of arguments and sex filling the air. It’s silent when they reach the top, however, and Izaya stops before a large metal door. It’s rusted on the sides, and scratched all over. He feels the hair on his neck rise, and Izaya smirks like he knows.

“We’re here.” He announces, knocking on the door without pausing. He knocks for several moments, big grin on his face and just when Shizuo is considering punching him to get him to stop, the door swings open with a squeal. A fist swings at Izaya, who ducks out of the way and dances back to Shizuo’s side. A very angry looking black man steps out, scowling at Izaya.

“Fuckin’ cunt!” He snaps, kicking the door in agitation. “I told you to stop doing that!”

“My apologies,” Izaya puurs, stepping closer to the elder man now that there isn’t a fist coming at him. Shizuo almost drags him back. “But I believe we both know you wouldn’t have come to the door otherwise.” He smiles, and Shizuo notices the sympathetic edge to his tone.

“Shut up.” He snaps, but it brings no edge. “You find anything?”

“Indeed, I believe I have.” Izaya answers. “May we come in, Ernest?” The man, Ernest, nods and steps aside to let Izaya in. He stops Shizuo though, with a hand to his chest.

“Who’s he?” He demands, glaring.

“You don’t recognize him?” Izaya asks. When Ernest doesn’t reply, he continues. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“You’re gay?” Ernest asks, though he doesn’t seem that surprised. “Okay, whatever. Leave your shoes on, boyfriend.” He lets Shizuo in and closes the door behind them, walking over to the recliner and plopping down. Izaya follows, sitting down across from him on the couch. Shizuo sits down next to him, feeling awkward.

“There’s a new gang,” Izaya starts, and Ernest groans loudly. Izaya ignores this and continues on. “They’re small, but they’re behind the killings.”

“Are you sure they-” Ernest breaks off, and Izaya takes the lead.

“Yes.”

“How?”

“We stumbled upon them, actually.” Izaya laughs, patting Shizuo on the shoulder. “Shizu-chan here saved me!”

“Tell me about the gang!” Ernest snaps, grinding his teeth. Izaya smiles at him, bright and cheerful.

“Aah, but what’s in it for me?” He asks, reclining back on the couch and making a show of making himself comfortable. Ernest hardly seems care, rolling his eyes.

“I’ll give you what remains.” He says, voice quiet. Izaya straightens, looking almost concerned now.

“What do you mean, what remains?” He demands, and Ernest sighs. Shizuo has started tuning them out by now, looking around the apartment. It’s not as threatening as he expected, and looks rather homey. Nothing is out of place, except the small stuffed bunny sitting next to him on the couch.

“I’m done. I’m not making anymore after what happened. I’ll give you what I have. If it helps, as the last one that means it’s value is increased so you’ll fetch a high price-” Shizuo isn't sure what they're talking about, but it must be important to Izaya by how interested he seems in whatever Ernest has. And no, he's not jealous. Shut up. 

“I’ll be keeping it, actually.” Ernest nods agreement. Shizuo picks up the bunny, inspecting it. It looks well loved, big black button eyes scratched and fur matted down likely from hugs and cuddles. “I don’t know the name, but it’s a small group of five boys. All in red, and that symbol police can’t figure out? It’s a noose. Fitting, right? Since they’r-”

“Don’t touch that!” Ernest snaps suddenly, standing from his chair and snatching the bunny from Shizuo’s hand. “How dare you!” He seethes, fury and grief shining in his brown eyes. Shizuo thinks he’s starting to catch on.

“I’m sorry.” He says, and Ernest shakes his head and clutches the bunny to his chest. “You should learn not to touch other people's property! You disrespectful brat! This is  _not_  yours-” 

“He didn’t know.” Izaya interrupts, and though he’s showing no signs of anger there’s an edge to his tone that makes Ernest back off. He sits back down in his recliner, clutching the bunny and glaring at Shizuo. He glaces at Izaya who doesn't look at him. _'Did Izaya just stand up for me?'_

“As I was saying, five boys. The leader goes by Alpha, they spray paint nooses on the bodies,” Izaya continues. Ernest leans forward to say something, but they’re all interrupted by the door being unlocked and opened. A teenager steps in, fiddling with his phone and not looking up at them.

“I’m home.” He greets, and Shizuo doesn’t miss the way Izaya stiffens beside him. The boy looks familiar, but Shizuo can't place where he's seen him before. He doesn't look threatening at first glance, but in the careful way Izaya is observing him Shizuo knows to be on edge. 

“Where were you?” Ernest asks casually and the teen glances at him, eyes lingering on the stuffed bunny in his hands. Neither seem to notice his or Izaya's visible apprehension. 

“Just with the guys. I’ll be staying at Sharks house tonight.” Ernest nods, and the boys gaze slides over to Shizuo and Izaya. Which of course would be when all hell breaks loose.

“ _You!_ ” He hisses, pulling a gun and leveling it at Izaya’s head. Izaya’s up and moving away when he fires the first shot, but the second manages to graze his arm when he jumps over the couch. Shizuo roars, grabbing the coffee table and knocking him back. The boy lands on his back near the front door and raises his gun at Shizuo. A knife flies, knocking the gun away before he can fire.

“What are you doing!” Ernest demands, and it’s not clear who he’s talking to.

“That’s Alpha!” Izaya says, loud enough for all of them to hear. "Leader of the gang." Ernest goes still, staring at Izaya with alarm. Alpha laughs, drawing Shizuo’s attention to where he has his phone in hand and is likely texting the gang. 

“That’s too bad.” Alpha sighs, smiling at Ernest. “I really didn’t want you to know.” He shifts, reaching for the gun. He grabs it before Shizuo or Izaya can stop him, and this time he levels it at Ernest. 

"Sorry, Uncle." The gun goes off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooookay so what did you think?!! :o I'm shook
> 
>  
> 
> SHOOK


	6. We Can't Take The Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyy soooo...um....sorry about not updating The Bachelor this week. Honestly I've been depressed about both my fanfics, so I just haven't been working much on them. Sorry! You've all been super super kind to me and I really appreciate it! Kanra loves you!

“That’s Alpha!” Izaya yells, quick to alert them to the amount of danger they’re in. "Leader of the gang." Out of the corner of his eye he sees Ernest turn to him with disbelief.  Alpha laughs, bright and cheerful like he isn’t texting his gang now. Izaya’s knife didn’t knock the gun away far enough, as it’s still beside Alpha and he grabs it with his free hand. It’s a little embarrassing, really, but he’s a bit out of practice. He blames Shizuo, really.

 _‘Shit!’_ Izaya curses mentally. Alpha levels the gun, pointing it straight at Ernest and smiling as he does so. Izaya’s got a bleeding arm, Ernest is frozen in shock, and Shizuo is inching closer to him incase Alpha turns the gun on him again. It’s sweet, but it isn’t much help. He has more knives but Alpha has a much firmer grip on it now and he’d rather not be shot. Shizuo has a tough body, but the bullet could still go through him and Izaya doesn’t want to risk that. He could grab Shizu-chan and run, but that would put them both too close to the gun when the teen has already proved he’s not afraid to shoot.

“That’s too bad.” Alpha sighs, smiling at Ernest. “I really didn’t want you to know.” His finger tightens on the trigger, and Izaya’s muscles tighten in response, fight or flight battling when he doesn’t have the option of either. It would seriously suck if Ernest got shot, though. That man has been a great source of income for years, not to mention entertainment with his attitude and wisdom, and he’s been good to Izaya. He wants to get him out of here.

“Sorry, Uncle.” Alpha says, and Izaya moves. He doesn’t aim to save Ernest, he can’t stop a bullet, but he can prevent a fourth shot being fired into flesh. Behind him someone goes down right as Izaya’s near enough to slash Alpha across the eyes. The boy screams, distracted, and Izaya grabs his wrist and yanks it up. The teen fires off one of his last two shots, luckily, leaving only one bullet to worry about. Over the bang of the gun and his own heart racing, he doesn’t notice the door opening until an arm wraps itself around Izaya’s neck and a fist slams into his chest. He coughs, harsh and rough with the air being forced from his lungs, letting go of Alpha to struggle in whoever's arms.

“Shizu-chan!” He gasps, wondering where that oaf is when he’s supposed to be protecting him. He doesn’t wonder long when the person behind him is ripped off and away. He turns, ducking when one of the other boys makes a pass at him, and scans the room. Ernest is still standing, thankfully. _‘But who got shot earlier…?’_ The answer comes a moment later, when his eyes land on Shizuo punching another teen in the face and giving clear view to the bloody hole in his chest.

 _'Of course he would get shot and just keep on fighting, of course.'_ In the midst of madness, Izaya makes a decision. The two boys that have arrived on the scene, Hero and Zero, and are rushing at Shizuo while Alpha is busy trying to rub the blood out of his eyes. He’s probably praying that he can still see, and Izaya has a bad feeling that he will. He grabs Ernest, pulling him out of the apartment and down the buildings stairs and away from the battle.

“Going somewhere?” It’s Shark, waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs. Shakespeare is behind him, eyes locked on Izaya and looking incredibly nervous. Izaya pulls a knife, his switchblade this time, and Shark grins at him. He needs to move fast here. The twin boys, Hero and Zero, are upstairs and there’s a chance they’ll take alpha and bolt. All three are skilled fighters, though not skilled enough to take on Shizuo. Alpha still has the gun, and in it remains one bullet. In front of him are Shark and Shakespeare. Shark is smart and likely has some sort of weapon on him. Shakespeare has brute strength like Shizuo but seems unlikely to use it.

“I thought I’d take a stroll through the city. It’s so beautiful this time of night, ne?” Izaya puurs, tilting his head and keeping his cool. Unfortunately, Ernest can’t do the same. “You killed her!” Ernest yells, taking a step towards the boys dressed in red.

“You killed Naomi!” He yells. Izaya is expecting evil laughter, maybe a confession even, but they just look confused.

“Who are you?” Shark asks, frowning for once. “I don’t know any Nayomee.” He pronounces the foreign name with difficulty, and Ernest’s gaze swings to him.

“You said-”

“I did. It was their gang.” Izaya agrees, and looks back at the boys. Above them, he can hear the crashing and breaking of walls and furniture. He hopes Shizuo will hold them off a little longer. Or hey, maybe the beast will kill them like he’s supposed to, but Izaya doubts he will without instruction. “You killed a little girl, this man’s niece.” He says, gesturing to Ernest.

“Shh!” Shark hisses, but it’s too late. Shakespeare’s eyes go wide and he stumbles back gripping his short hair and gritting his teeth.

“N-n-noo!” He yells, the big man starting to lose it. “N-not-t ki-killed-!” He forces out, shaking hard. Shark sighs, harsh and mad now.

“Great. He wasn’t supposed to know. Yeah, we killed some kid. I don’t know why and I don’t care, Alpha called for it.” Upstairs he hears the thundering of footsteps, coming closer to them.

“That can’t be!” Ernest yells, as distressed as Shakespeare. It gives Izaya an idea.

“That little girl was his baby sister.” He says, looking right at Shakespeare, morphing his expression into one of sadness. The big man snaps his head up and stares at him. “Alpha had your gang kill his sister. And why? Because he’s _heartless_.” There’s a hiss of anger, Shark coming at him with a needle filled with something strange. Izaya moves, grabbing Ernest and ducking out of the way just in time. The needle misses him and instead sinks into Zero’s flesh as he makes a grab for Izaya. Shark pushes the plunger down without thinking. Behind him is a panicked Hero guiding Alpha quickly down the stairs and Shizuo rushing after them. Their eyes meet, and he gives Shizuo a quick nod before taking off.

“¡Duele!” Zero cries, gripping his arm when Shark hastily slides the needle free. He starts to well immediately, skin going red and swelling fast. “¿¡Qué diablos!?”

“Shit!” Shark hisses, and Izaya takes advantage of the distractions to pull Ernest along and rush past Shakespeare, hoping Shizuo will follow. When he hears only one set of heavy footsteps behind him, he assumes it’s Shizuo and leads them down alleyways till he deems they’re far enough away. He stops, letting go of Ernest and turning to Shizuo abruptly.

“Shizu-chan, look we need to-” He cuts himself off, heart rate spiking when he looks up into the dead brown eyes of Shakespeare instead of the angry amber he’s expecting. Shakespeare’s big arms grab him, crushing Izaya to his chest. He tries to gasp but finds he can’t take in any air with how tightly he’s being squeezed. Ernest doesn’t do anything to help, just slides down an alley wall and hangs his head. Maybe he’s accepted that this big oaf is out to kill them.

“Can’t...breathe…!” Izaya manages, and Shakespeare stops crushing him to place his giant hands on Izaya’s face. _‘Really, how does a japanese man have such large hands anyway?’_

“I-I m-m-missed yo-youuu…” Shakespeare breathes, and Izaya backs away slowly. When the man follows, Izaya ends up stabbing him in the shoulder with a knife. He smiles at this, like that’s exactly what he wanted Izaya to do.

“I-Izumii…” He breathes, quietly into the air and with a soft passion that’s never been expressed to Izaya himself before.

“My name is Izaya.” He says, even if it’s not the smartest thing to do. Shakespeare just laughs, and points to his heart.

“Izumii.” He says quietly, and Izaya shakes his head.

“No. I’m not Izumii and I never have been. Whoever you’re remembering isn’t me.” Shakespeare laughs again, though it turns almost to a sob at the end. He’s smiling but it’s grieving and pained. He’s still cupping Izaya’s face in his hands, holding it up so he can stare into his eyes and remember whoever he’s lost. Izaya is uncomfortable, but he’s fairly certain this man won’t hurt him. Not when he looks so enamored. _‘Ugh, what is with big strong men loving me suddenly? Wish I got this much attention in college…’_ He really feels panicked when Shakespeare leans in, intending to kiss him with eyes closed and hands shaking against his jaw. 

It’s amazing how Shizuo always seems to show up at the best and worst moments lately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? What do you think SHizu-chan will do~??? Hehehehe! Find out next chapter!


	7. We Can't Take The Joke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late

Rage is singing in his veins and spilling out through his fingertips where everything he touches distorts and crumbles. Through blurred vision he can see his targets dancing and demons taunting him into going too far.

~~Kill them.~~

It’s been awhile, since he’s felt like this. With the events of the past few weeks clouding Shizuo’s head with depression and hope, he’s had no time for anger. He’s been hearing voices and feeling lost, and he has no idea what he’s to do when five weeks end.

Izaya is downstairs- no, he’s probably run out of the building and left Shizuo to deal with this alone. He took the old man with him, too. The three boys, and no he doesn’t remember any of their names but Alpha, have just rushed off in the direction of the door themselves when they start to hear yelling downstairs.  

Alpha fires off a shot in Shizuo’s direction but it misses, and a blonde boy helps him to the door and down the stairs. Bleeding, and angrier than he’s been in over a month, Shizuo only hesitates to grab the stuffed blue bunny from the couch before taking off after them. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, footsteps like thunder against the bare metal structure and he’s glad they kept their shoes on, he locks eyes with Izaya. The informant nods at him, eyes darting towards the door before he grabs Ernest and takes off.  
 ~~~~

~~Follow me!~~

Shizuo hurries to follow as the two Izaya’s have instructed, but halts when a bloodied Alpha steps in his way and levels a gun at his head. He growls when he notices the big man from before chasing after Izaya. That big oaf might have helped them before, but he also held Izaya’s mouth open when the blue haired kid tried to make him drink bleach.

“I was saving this for the informant.” Alpha hisses, blood trailing in crimson lines from his nose and above his eyes. One gold is closed shut, swelling and leaking some kind of fluid to join the blood and blend into the red of his clothes. “But maybe I’ll give it to you instead.”

“Wait!” A boy with dyed blue hair gasps, tugging at Alpha’s sleeve. “They’re enemies, maybe we can-ugh!” Alpha swings the gun and slams it against the other boys skull, shutting him up quick. Shizuo is growing impatient now, fed up with this skinny little nothing of a “gang” leader trying to scare him. The kid can hardly see, let alone move on his own. Plus, Shizuo knows he’s out of bullets.

“Next time I see you, I’m killing one of you.” He says. It’s a warning, more than anything. He knows they’ve done some bad stuff, he doesn’t know what exactly though, but he still doesn’t want to kill a bunch of kids.

~~You should kill one now.~~

He storms past them, ignoring the voice, and no one tries to stop him. He doesn’t see Izaya anywhere when he steps out of the building, but he wasn’t expecting to and his smell is easy to track. He follows it, down the street and deep  into the alleys of the city they both know so well, weaving his way closer to Izaya.

He’s not expecting to find Shakespeare’s hands around Izaya’s neck.  
Shizuo doesn’t make a sound. He doesn’t think. He just walks forward, slowly stepping towards the man that’s going to die tonight. Izaya notices him once he’s close enough, eyes wide when he sees his expression. Shizuo would too, he’s sure, if he knew what he looked like right now. He grabs one of the man’s hands, barely able to get his fingers around his huge palm, and yanks it away from Izaya’s neck. He tugs the man away from Izaya, down to his knees on the ground and make sure he has a good hold on the hand he pulled away.

He tightens his grip the way he does around all those street signs, crushes it. The bones break underneath skin, crunching and grinding in and the man screams in a shrill, agonized voice. Shizuo doesn’t care, he has zero sympathy. He mangles flesh and bone to the thought of the bruises that will line Izaya’s neck tomorrow and it pushes him to be crueler. Izaya moves forward and says something, still with those wide red eyes, but it goes unheard over the man’s screams.

“Shut up!” Shizuo snarls, letting go of the mangled hand to grab his neck instead. “I can’t _hear_.” The man chokes, clawing one handed and desperate but Shizuo doesn’t release him. He looks to Izaya calmly. His hand is a twitch away from breaking that big neck and crushing his windpipe among other things, and his hand is trembling with the effort of waiting. He wants this man to suffer.

“I said let him go.” Izaya says, red eyes nearly black in the dark alley. Izaya’s looking back and forth from him to the man who’s struggling to breathe in Shizuo’s grasp.  
Shizuo doesn’t reply. The words don’t really register, so he just tilts his head at Izaya and starts to slowly tighten his grip. It’s somewhat satisfying, the way the eyes bulge and mouth shakes with no air to breathe. Like this, he doesn’t look human and it makes it easier.

“Shizu-chan! I said let him go.” Izaya snaps, to no response. “Hello? Izaya to protozoan, you in there?” Izaya demands. He says nothing. This man has to pa.

“Fine.” Izaya sighs, stepping back and shrugging. “Though he could have been useful…”

“I-I--zzuaa-” The man chokes out, starting to slump in Shizuo’s grip.

“...Useful how?” Shizuo demands, coming back to himself some at Izaya’s smirk. Izaya gestures at his hand, still crushing the man’s thick neck, and he finds it in himself to let go. He does aim a sharp kick into his stomach to get the assholes attention though.

“You try anything…” He hisses, voice a low threat. “And I really will finish you off.” The man nods, coughing and drawing in air as much as he can. His big chest is heaving, eyes wet and thunder claps above as if to emphasize Shizuo’s threat.

“Aww, you poor thing.” Izaya coos, dropping to his knees to look into his eyes. “Shakespeare,   right?” He nods, opening his mouth to say something when Izaya simply hands him his phone. Shizuo walks around to Izaya’s side so he can see what he’s doing.

“Use this and type out what you want to say.” Shakespeare looks confused and Izaya glances at his phone to see what’s wrong. “Oops, sorry. Forgot to close my game.” Shizuo cranes his head to see, laughing when little cartoon birds smile back at him. It’s Angry Birds.

“What’s so funny?” Izaya demands, closing the game. Shizuo just smiles, remembering his first day in Shinra’s simulation when Izaya from “the past” discovered his cellphone.

_"Where's the keyboard? Oh, hey! You touch the screen? Whoa, and what's with this format!? What's an emoji? Oh, little pictures! What are all these things? You can change the brightness!? What!? What do the little squares do? What's 'Angry birds' huh? What... What. A game?? These graphics! Incredible!"_

Izaya sighs, opening up some app for Shakespeare to type with. He hands it over, and he quickly starts typing.

**[I love you.]**

“I’m flattered,” Izaya starts over Shizuo’s growl. “But we have more important things to discuss. Shizu-chan, what state did you leave the rest of the gang in?”

“Uh…” It takes him a minute to recall. “Alive.” He says, and Izaya’s eyes snap to his.

“Unconscious, at least?”  
“No.”  
“Then we should make this… no, you know what?” Izaya says, standing up. “Why don’t we go somewhere safer.”

* * *

 

“I’m really surprised, you know!” Shinra chirps, currently tending to the bullet hole in Shizuo’s chest. “I didn’t expect you two could stay peaceful if you were a mile apart, let alone date!” The  bleeding having mostly stopped by the time they arrived thanks to Shizuo’s strange body.

“Well when Shizu-chan confessed his undying love for me right in front of Russia Sushi, how could I say no?” Izaya chuckles, leaning against Shizuo in a loving way. That’s not how it happened, it happened while he was scaring the shit out of Izaya though the man would never admit it. And Izaya doesn’t even like him, he’s just using him to essentially take out the trash.  But Shizuo stays quiet, head low because he’s tired and he just wants to go home.

“Well, have you two...you know~~?” Shinra asks, voice playful. He’s setting his tools aside to be cleaned, and Shizuo realises he’s finished. Izaya’s arm is patched up, Shakespeare has his hand in a cast and bandages around his neck. Shinra had mentioned it wasn’t necessary, but it seemed to calm the big man some. Ernest had stayed behind, said he’d go home once he was sure the boys had left.

“Oh, well if you must know,” Izaya starts, and Shizuo’s head snaps up. “Shizu-chan took me the first night! Ahh, he was so rough, and we did it over and over till I thought I’d break!” Izaya moans, and Shizuo can feel his face going bright red. Poor Shakespeare is glaring at him from across the room, where he’d been running his fingers over his cast.

“He lying!” He snaps over Izaya’s laughter. “That never happened! Tell the truth, shitty flea!”

“Fine, fine.” Izaya sighs, smirk pulling wider and Shizuo feels the hairs at the back of his neck rise with Izaya’s red eyes turning on him. “I topped.”

 _““What?!””_ Shinra and Shizuo Chorus together.

“Oh Shizu-chan was so cute! He was begging the entire time and moaning and _so tight_ -”

“Damn you!” Shizuo snaps, grabbing Izaya’s shirt and pulling him close to snarl at him. Izaya doesn’t flinch, just tilts his head and waits. He starts to laugh when Shizuo doesn’t even try to hit him, and gently pulls the fabric of his shirt free.

~~Pussy.~~

_‘Shut up.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha yep....
> 
> SO I have some news! I have TWO stories in the works! For previews, go check out the latest chapter of my story The Bachelor ^_^


	8. We Can't Take The Insanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY AN UPDATE!!!! HELL YEAH!
> 
> I am so sorry for how long this took but honestly I just needed a little break from this story. But now I'm back baby!! Enjoy!

“Well, thanks for patching my sweetie-pie up!” Izaya coos, grabbing hold of Shizuo’s hand and pulling him towards the couch where Shakespeare sits.

 _“Sweetie-pie?”_ Shizuo hisses at him, and  Izaya just shakes his head at the brute.

 _“Just be quiet.”_ He hisses right back. Louder, he addresses Shakespeare.

“Tell your gang that Shizu-chan couldn’t catch you. You don’t know where I went.” He instructs, and Shakespeare nods obediently.

The big man reaches and holds his hand out from where he’s sitting on the couch, and Izaya offers his cellphone. But he takes hold of Izaya’s wrist instead, and turns his hand so he can kiss the back of it. Honestly it makes him laugh, especially when he catches Shizuo glaring at him. Shakespeare glares right back, which is even better.

“We’d better be going.” Izaya says, tone leaving no room for Shinra to argue. They head to the door, waving to Shinra as they leave.

“I guess I’ll see you later…” Shizuo says to him, pulling his hand away from Izaya’s awkwardly.  
Izaya smirks and allows his hands to instead dip into his pockets, shrugging and walking in the opposite direction.

“I guess you really didn’t want to go on that date after all,” He calls over his shoulder, and he grins at the sound of Shizuo rushing to catch up to him. He barely stops himself from laughing right in Shizuo’s face when he imagines a dog who’s been asked if it wanted to go for a ride in the car.

“Well, I did rent this suit…” Shizuo mumbles, and Izaya does laugh this time.

“Great, let’s go.” He coos, taking back Shizuo’s hand in his.

* * *

 

 Watching Shizuo squirm was one of his new favorite hobbies, Izaya’s decided. Apparently the blonde couldn’t handle the waitress flirting with him, and kept glancing from Izaya to her with panicked eyes. Izaya wondered if he was simply embarrassed or if he was actually worried Izaya would be offended somehow.

“Here’s your cake, sugar.” The waitress purrs at Shizuo, setting a neat slice before Shizuo. “I got them to add extra chocolate chips.” She winks, turning to Izaya and setting his coffee down without saying a word. She bounces off to watch them behind the counter, as she has no other customers and apparently nothing better to do.

“So…” Shizuo rubs the back of his neck, looking off to the side and clearly nervous. It just so happens that his gaze is in the direction of their waitress, though he’s obviously not looking at her.

“I can’t believe you.” Izaya hisses, frowning at his coffee as best he can. “Flirting with her and staring at her when I’m _right_ here.”

“Wha- no I wasn’t!” He protests, quickly. Izaya looks away from him, trying hard not to laugh.

“And here I thought you liked me…” He puts as much sorrow as he can in his voice, head down and fighting a grin. _‘I bet he looks so stupid and guilty right now, ha!’_ He looks up when he feels a touch to his hands, Shizuo holding them and staring at him very seriously.

“Izaya...You know, well, I’ve always said I wanted to kill you and stuff but… Do you even know what happened to me? In Shinra’s simulation?”

“No,” he answers hesitantly, although it wasn’t the truth. It was a murder simulation, programmed so Shizuo could realistically experience killing him. It still stung that Shinra would design such a thing.

“I had to kill you.” Shizuo says, apparently believing him just like that. The idiot.

“Okay?” He rolls his eyes at Shizuo, wishing he didn’t have to hear this. “Why did it take you two weeks to do that?”

“I didn’t know that was what I had to do.” He answers. Izaya jolts in surprise, taking in this new information with shock. “I had no idea what I was supposed to do, just that I woke up a teenager and the whole world was screwed up.”

“Screwed up how?” Izaya leans closer, curious, and Shizuo frowns hard.

“You were weird. You were rude and cold at first, and then nice, and then harsh again, and you go so embarrassed at the smallest things-”

“Are you trying to say I was tsundere?” He asked, deadpan. Shizuo made some rather interesting expressions, starting to chuckle.

“Yeah, you so were!” He starts to laugh, and Izaya hides his own twinge of embarrassment by taking a sip of his coffee. _‘Damn Shinra! I am NOT tsundere.’_

“Oh, fuck.” He gasps, eyes blowing wide. “That means you liked me.”

“I suppose it’s possible, but why would Shinra program that in just to have you kill me?” He asks, frowning.

“I don’t know…” Shizuo sighs. “He said he gave you a very basic and annoying personality so it would be easier to kill you. I have no idea why the settings were in highschool or- or why all the rest happened… It should have been simple.”

“We should have a talk with him…” Izaya said, and Shizuo seemed to shake himself out of his memories.

“Well, anyway… I wasn’t looking at the waitress ‘cause when I woke up, I realized that there was only one person who-”

“I’m going to stop you there.” He interrupts, scowling. “I’m not interested in being sappy and romantic with you. Just do your part and I’ll do mine, okay?” He huffs, sitting back in his seat.

“And what’s your part, exactly?” Shizuo snaps, feeling frustration building up quickly.

“I’ll hold your hand and go out on dates with you and be nice but we’re not here for real feelings.”

“I am!” Shizuo growls. “Why the hell do you think I agreed to MURDER a bunch of KIDS!?” He tightens his grip on his fork, the metal warping and bending in his grip. He carefully sets it down, hidden behind his plate of cake. He’s not trying to intimidate Izaya, after all.

“Like you’ll actually do it.” Izaya scoffs, crossing his arms.

“Excuse me?”

“Do you need a hearing aid? You wouldn’t kill anyone! Except me, of course.” He laughs, loving the way Shizuo flinches at that. “Your feelings aren't sincere, you’re just messed up right now.”

 _“I’m fine.”_ Shizuo growls, with too much intensity to be believed.

“Yeah? Then you want to explain why your eyes keep wandering around like you’re looking at someone else? Someone in your head, maybe?” It’s a shot in the dark, but from the way Shizuo’s eyes go wide he knows he hit a nerve.

“That’s not-!”

“Hearing voices, monster? And that’s not all, I can tell. You showed up at my door half naked and asking stupid things. You save me from thugs and drag me off to your house. And when I come out to find you muttering to yourself about rape? And then, you agree to murder some kids for a few dates with your worst enemy? Yeah, you’re so super fine aren’t you?” He laughs, louder than he should in a public place. The waitress is staring, looking worried but too nervous to approach them and try to stop what probably looks like the beginning of a fight.

“Then why the hell did you agree if you think I won’t do it? Huh?” Shizuo snaps gripping the table, practically snarling. His eyes are lit with a building anger, all too familiar, and suddenly Izaya isn’t laughing so much.

“To make fun of you, obviously.” His answer is quiet, and he looks out the window with crossed arms. People are in pairs under their umbrellas, some smiling and some scowling, the rain dancing down in dazzling diamonds.

“Why don’t I believe you?” Shizuo asks, and Izaya doesn’t look at him.

“I don’t care if you do or don’t. Deals off, I’m going home.” He stands up gracefully, and knocks his untouched cup of coffee to the ground. It shatters, bits of ceramic flying and liquid sloshing on a big messy pile. He glances at the waitress as he goes, sticking his tongue out at her and delighting in the way she glares.

He’ll let Shizuo pay for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys! Sorry for jerking you around so much... XDD Anyway, give me your predictions for future chapters and tell me what you thought of this one <3 ;3
> 
> Oh and to MadCatQueen and everyone else, good luck on your finals! I understand you don't have time to comment :)


	9. We Can't Take The Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... graphic violence ahead. Be warned.

~~You blithering fool.~~ The voice, Izaya's voice, hissed at him. Shizuo growled under his breath, fighting to ignore it. He called the voice it because it wasn't actually Izaya, he had to remember that.

 ~~I might not be him, but its not like he favors you either~~. It reminds him cruelly.

"Shut up!" He barks, jerking his head hard enough to start a migraine. At least it’s stopped raining. "Just shut the fuck up, I don't wanna fuckin hear it!"

~~You have no choice, Shizu-chan. You couldn't have just followed orders, could you?~~

"Don't call me that." He walks faster down the street, far enough away from the main city that it was completely empty this late at night. He wasn't heading anywhere in particular, just away from the café where he'd been brutally anazled and technically broken up with.

His feet were almost moving on their own, mind too busy fighting his own personal demon.

~~You'd still be in a relationship if you'd had the guts to kill one of them.~~

"I'm not killin a goddamn kid! Fuck!" He stops abruptly, slamming a fist into a nearby lamppost. It splinters under his fast, crashing to the ground and going out with a sharp buzz.

 ~~Don't think of them as kids, think of them as murderers~~. It reminds him calmly. He begins walking again, feeling like he's being pulled faster in the same direction as before. Shadows curl and weave in the corner of his eyes, and he squeezes them tight so he can pretend to be sane a little longer.

"Nothing has been proved."

~~The leader pulled a gun on you and me. The spray paint nooses over the bodies, to symbolize their gang name; the Crimson Nooses. They tried to kill Izaya right away! How much more proof do you need?~~

"...fine. Doesn't mean I have to be a murderer."

~~You agreed to take them out in the first place, remember? How exactly did you plan to remain not a murderer?~~

"I...I just..." He stammers, sighing. Suddenly the sound of far off humming reaches him, and his feet carry him to the mouth of an alleyway. He glances around the corner, and indeed someone is there.

~~This might be your last chance. Kill him.~~

"Are you kidding me?" Shizuo whispers, alarmed. Before him is one of the gang members, the quiet boy, one of the twins. He's doing something to a body, this time what looks to be an older man, and cheerfully humming to himself.

"Did you lead me here?" He demands, palms sweaty and heart startling to race. He _could_ do it, if he wanted to. The kid is alone, and defenseless. From what Shizuo remembers, this guy is a fighter but he wouldn’t hold up against Shizuo’s strength. _'He's a bad kid.'_   He thinks, hands curling into fists. _'He helped kill that man, and the little girl, and the woman, and so many others...'_

 ~~Kill him, and you'll win back my favor- Izaya's favor.~~ It whispered, shadows coaxing him toward the boy. He doesn't resist long, thinking about all the shit he's endured thanks to this gang and the simulation and his own stupidity.

Shizuo staggers forward, head spinning and blood pumping fiercely. The teen doesn’t notice him, fixated on the symbol he’s trying to paint. Shizuo has no idea why he’s alone, but he supposes that’s lucky for him. The young gangster turns at the last second, golden eyes wide and shining with surprise and sudden terror. He pounces, grabbing a fistful of hair and the front of his shirt. The boy jerks down and throws his weight to the dirty floor of the alley in an attempt to break free. They tumble, splashing in muddy puddles and rolling around. He gets the upper hand when the kid hits his head hard. He stares up at him, stunned and wide eyed with fear. 

~~Break his neck.~~

He growls, shadows and sorrow and pent up frustration swirling like his own personal raincloud. The boys eyes are darting around, like he can see it too, and Shizuo snarls in his face.

~~He’s mocking you. Finish him!~~

He tightens his grip in the boys hair, other hand wrenching up and taking hold of his neck. He pulls, skin tearing and the kids eyes watering and body shaking in pain. He starts wailing in pain, back arching violently and fingers clawing at what parts of Shizuo he can reach. It makes him angrier, drives him harder, and the sick snap and pop of his head will haunt him for years to come.

The kid goes completely limp but it isn’t enough, it isn’t enough! He pulls harder, flesh tearing and blood splattering everywhere. It pools from his open neck and down from the kids head as it comes clean off his his hand. He yells, furious gibberish, and tosses the head away.

He screeches, hands flying to his hair for something to hold onto. He resists pulling it, slick with enough blood. His pants too are slowly being soaked as well with the crimson pool that’s quickly spreading. 

 ~~ _“Good boy!”_~~ Laughs the voice, and he looks up so fast his neck pops painfully. Someone is standing there, laughing at his mess like he’s a child who’s spilled food and had a tantrum. It’s Izaya, but he’s shadowy. Pale skin is smoky and transparent, his eyes shining a brighter crimson than blood in the moonlight, and his laugh sharper than the real Izaya. Shizuo looks upon him with terror, sick to his stomach and getting worse every minute.

He jumps to his feet and runs away as fast as he can, away from the scene and this evil (more so than usual, anyway) Izaya. Laughter follows him, ringing in his head and getting louder every second. Humanoid shadows dance and twirl, wearing sinister grins like fine suits and speeding towards with incredible haste. He flinches when they started to hit him, but they thankfully turn to smoke the second they touch his skin.

He cries out, collapsing against something and covering his face and head. He huddles there for a few minutes, muscles tense even as the evil laughter begins to fade away. When he finally looks up, the evil Izaya is gone, and no shadows remain. In fact his vision is clearer than it has been in weeks.

He slowly climbs to his feet, barely able to breathe. He struggles forward, chest burning and constricting without his consent. He stumbles in one direction, thanking the Gods that he wound up in Shinjuku.

* * *

 He knocks at Izaya’s door, finally arriving after what felt like hours of walking. It had only been about ten minutes, he thinks, though he isn't sure. His phone is dead, probably because it got soaked in leftover rainwater and blood, so he had no way to tell. Now that he’s there he’s almost completely lost the ability to take in air, face burning and completely losing it at this point. At least no one saw him. 

He knocks again, louder and more desperate, relief rushing through him when the door finally swings open.

“Yes?” He answers, jerking in surprise when Shizuo launches himself forward. _“Whoa!”_ Izaya gasps, knocked to the ground as Shizuo practically tackles him. He immediately starts to fight, though Shizuo is quick to grab his wrists so he can’t grab a knife.

“Not today, protozoan!” Izaya yells, twisting and turning, fighting to get free with surprising strength. 

“H-hey, calm do-oof!” Shizuo lurches forward over Izaya’s frame, gasping in pain when Izaya kicks him square in the balls. He wrenches his wrists free, rolling out from under Shizuo who curls up on the floor.

Izaya is on his feet and rushing towards his desk in the next second, launching himself over it and grabbing his phone. He dials quickly as he rushes over to grab his coat as Shizuo huffs and struggles to lift himself up before Izaya can escape. At least it’s easier to breathe, the sudden attack and fresh adrenaline opening up his airway like a charm.

“Shinra!? Hey, send your girlfriend over, the beast has gone mad!” He snaps, reaching the door just as Shizuo manages to make it up. He grabs the nearest object, a heavy book laid on the coffee table, and launches it at Izaya.  

It hits his hand, knocking the phone away. Izaya hisses, briefly turning back for it, he hadn’t told Shinra where he was, and that was all the time Shizuo needed. He shoves forward and grabs him in some violent, awkward version of a hug and drags him away from the door.

“Izaya!?” Shinra’s voice is clear, Izaya must have accidentally hit the speaker button, and the most panicked Shizuo’s ever heard it, aside the time he suspected Celty of cheating.

“He’s trying to kill me!” Izaya yells, jerking harder in his tight grasp.

He drags the phone closer with his foot, then kicks it out to slam the door closed. He then forces them into a sitting position, using his strength to hold Izaya down with one arm so the other can cover his mouth. He presses gently, feeling Izaya's muscles lock in panic. Guilt hits him hard with a glance at Izaya's hand, red and starting to swell.

“He’s fine.” Shizuo pants, voice shaky and quiet. “He’s okay.”

“Mmph!” Izaya protests, getting an arm free and elbowing him repeatedly in the ribs. It does nothing, he barely feels it with his monstrous body, and Shizuo starts to laugh.

He laughs hard, body trembling with the force. His cackling rings around the apartment, deep and impossibly loud. Izaya twists to look at him, dark eyes wide and clearly bewildered. _'I've done it again, fucked something else up, and hurt Izaya.'_ His laughter turns to a dry sob, Izaya’s face blurring before him as he curls and tried to hold the informant tighter. Izaya carefully pushes Shizuo’s hand away from his mouth, reaching for the phone with his good hand. 

“We’re okay.” He says softly. “Don’t send Celty over.”

“Iza-?!” He’s cut off as Izaya ends the conversation swiftly, and shifts around to face him. Shizuo fights to swallow the lump in his throat, but it only grows like his guilt. Fingers stroke through his blood stained hair, then, smoothing it down gently. Shizuo shuffles closer, and buries his face his Izaya’s chest like a child seeking comfort from their mother. He holds him tight, shaking and numb with a teenagers blood and the shame of his sins.

Izaya accepts him like this, stroking his hair and silently comforting his fallen enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I almost feel like this was a little ooc for Shizuo but when I think about it...Nah. He'd at least tear up. He wouldn't really sob, so this is kinda cringy, but then again I don't know him and there's nothing wrong with crying. Although I HATE it when people have Izaya cry in fanfiction so...we'll let Shizuo cry for once. 
> 
> to be fair, Izaya is a little ooc at the end too, which I hated but needed to write. 
> 
> MadCatQueen, if you're reading... Well....Um....Just don't hate me XD Same to you, Greeneyedceil. XD


	10. We Can't Take The Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to delete and work on this chapter, I made some mistakes :/

“Shizu-chan, what _happened_?” Izaya sighs, irritated and somewhat concerned. Shizuo had just barged in here, covered in blood and mud, attacked him, and is now holding him and acting like he’s killed someone. It’s ridiculous, really.

Shizuo remains silent, shoulders hunched and knees bent awkwardly as he sits there. He’s shaking, head bowed and blood smudged bangs covering his eyes in a shadow of guilt. Izaya carefully strokes his hair again, feeling lost and awkward. And annoyed, very annoyed. 

He tries not to squirm, practically in Shizuo’s lap and incredibly uncomfortable. If Shizuo’s going to lose his mind, couldn’t he at least do it on the couch? Plus the brute is getting dirt and fluid all over his tee-shirt and they aren't even battling. Not to mention he smells like a wet dog and a dumpster had a baby. Ew.   
“Shizu-chan?” He tries again, ducking his head to try and see into his eyes. Something in the back of his mind says he should be amused, laughing, but he's not one to force his emotions or hide them if he doesn't have to. 

“...I’m sorry.” Shizuo finally mumbles, letting him go. Izaya slides onto the floor as Shizuo scoots away, and he notices that his knees leave crimson streaks against his hardwood floor.  _'Easy enough to clean, I suppose.'_

“It’s fine.” Izaya assures him, mind racing with possibilities of just what he could be apologizing for. “What did you do?” He inquires, reaching out to move Shizuo’s bangs aside. The blond jerks away before he can touch him.

“I did it…” Shizuo mumbles, voice quiet and defeated. “I _killed_ him…”

“Who?” He demands, tense with shock. He almost thinks the brute is lying, that this is a prank, but the shame in those haunted golden eyes is too real. 

“The-the quiet kid, from the gang. The one that doesn’t speak much..." He answers, clenching his hands into shaking fists.  _'Zero.'_ Izaya thinks, frowning. Shizuo finally looks up at him, eyes wet and broken, staring at Izaya like he can somehow help.

Fortunately, he can.

“Tell me exactly where the body is and if anyone saw you.” He speaks, getting to his feet and snatching his phone back up.

“I-It's, uh, it’s in a bad neighborhood. Most of the buildings looked abandoned.... There was a gas station nearby, too, 'm thinkin. It also had-”

“I know where you’re talking about.” He cuts him off quickly, sliding some knives into the hidden compartments in his jacket and grabs some plastic gloves he keeps on hand for situations just like this.

“No one saw me…” Shizuo says quietly, still kneeling on the floor. The blood on this clothes and hair is drying quickly. “What are you doin’?”

“Covering your tracks. Go shower, and leave your clothes by the door as well as anything you got blood on.” He answers shortly. “Are you sure he’s dead?”

“I-I ripped his head off…” Shizuo gasps, climbing slowly to his feet. He jumps when there’s a pounding knock at the door, eyes blowing wide and scared like someone's come for him. _‘They might have.’_ Izaya reminds himself, readying a knife.

“Izaya?! You in there?” Shinra calls, and Izaya spots shadows curling through the door lock, Celty trying to form a proper key to open it. He happens to have two other locks she can’t see, however, but he knows she’ll figure it out quickly. He's a little surprised she didn't assume he had more in the first place, but at least it buys him some time.

“Don’t tell them anything.” He says to Shizuo, who nods hurriedly, but it's not convincing. Izaya has a feeling he'll blab to Celty sooner or later, and probably sooner.

" _Izaya_!?" Shinra shouts again, pounding in the door.

“I’m here, everything’s fine!” He calls, though it’s ignored as the door bursts open when Celty realizes there’s more than one lock. Shizuo yanks him out of the way as the door comes flying at him, the breeze from it rustling his clothes and hair. Great, another repair he'll have to make.

Celty and Shinra rush in, taking one look at a bloodied and wide eyed Shizuo and turning on defense mode. Black shadows shoot out, headed for Shizuo and hoping to restrain him, when Izaya steps in their path. He bites back a grin at the Scalpel in Shinra’s hand, pleased the doctor was willing to go against a monster for him.

 _‘Or maybe just to help his Celty.’_ Bitterness speaks, stomping down the joy he’d felt for only a moment. Izaya was rarely bitter, but when he was he could always count on Shinra and their friendship to be the one at fault.

“I told you we were fine. Turns out Shizu-chan was just here to have an embarrassing mental breakdown. ” He says, smiling like he’s brought up the weather. Shizuo's eyes snap to him, but instead of anger he looks mortified. Izaya snickers to himself quietly. 

[We wanted to be sure, and I’m not at all. What happened?!] She addresses them both, Celty’s shadows billowing out around her similar to smoke from a busy factory. He glances at Shizuo from the corner of his eye, hoping the brute will stay quiet, and feels almost disturbed by the terrified attention with witch the blond is watching her shadows. He’s mesmerized, watching the way they coil in the air, and not in a good way.

 _‘Clue number five.’_ He decides, adding it to his list mentally. He’s one step closer to figuring out why Shizuo’s decided to lose his mind.

“Shizu-chan, weren’t you going to take a shower?” He asks, smiling at the beast. He breaks eye contact with Celty’s smoke to look at Izaya again, blinking at him slowly like he’s not fully registering him. Izaya comes close, giving Shizuo a kiss on the cheek to disguise himself.

 _“Don’t tell Celty anything. Put your clothes in the cabinet under the sink, along with everything else on you. You should find a pair of sweats in my room, third drawer down on the left and if you touch anything else I’ll stab you.”_ He whispers. He pulls back, smiling sweetly like they've shared a private moment. “Okay, darling?”

"Okay..." Shizuo nods, numb and slowly begins his trek upstairs to the bathroom.

“Great!” Izaya gestures at Shinra to follow him, and heads towards the door. “Courier-san, you’re welcome to stay here with Shizu-chan.” He invites. She nods,hesitantly, and they head out.

“Should I have a look at your hand?” Shinra questions once the door is closed, and he shakes his head. 

“It’s just a sprain. We need to hurry.” He answers shortly, leading them out into the streets. It’s cold, chill heavy in the air and nipping at his face and hands. He stuffs them into his pockets and walks faster, Shinra easily keeping his pace. 

“A sprain, huh? One that Shizuo-kun gave you?” He asks, knowing the answer already. Izaya doesn’t have to look at him to know he has his mother hen face on. Shinra was always the one in the group to watch over everyone, when he wasn’t busy with Celty. And of he felt like it. It was nice, in a way, though Izaya would never admit it.

"As far as Shizu-chan is concerned, we have more things to worry about.”

“Like?” Shinra asks, though he figures he's already figured it out. Celty too, of course, but the less they know about his involvement and the gang, the better. Those kids are dangerous, and he'd rather keep Shinra away. He just wishes he didn't need the doctors help with the body. 

“He,” Izaya pauses, walking faster still and wondering how to explain it guilt free. He’d rather keep himself out of the story as much as possible, knowing Celty and the group would turn on him for Shizuo’s wrong doings. Sure, he told Shizuo to do it and he had entertained the idea of really using him, but he’d honestly never expected Shizuo would. And on his own, too, after Izaya had called their deal off. He only given the beast a... _misguided_ push. 

_‘Still, I’ll look like the one responsible in Celty's- and therefore Shinra’s,-eyes.’_

“Ah, I think I found what we’re looking for.” Shinra calls calmly, interrupting his train of thought.

Izaya heads over, stomach twisting up when he sees Shizuo’s handiwork. All he sees is the body, blood splattered on the far wall and pooling from the neck. Though he doesn’t really want to, he pulls out his phone and shines light on the scene. He finds the head at the end of the alleyway.

Zero’s mouth is agape, eyes bloodshot and face permanently frozen in terror. Izaya isn’t sure if he should be proud he’s managed to finally tame a monster or disgusted by how he’s broken a man.  Something curls in his stomach, regret, he thinks, and he finally tears his eyes away.

“I assume Shizuo did this.” Shinra mutters, voice low on some emotion Izaya is too tired to analyze. “I can’t believe he’d do this. I mean, kill someone sure, but so violently...”  
“He’s always been violent.” Izaya responds, voice flat and as matter of fact as he can make it. He doesn’t bother with trying to pretend it wasn’t Shizuo, when they both know it was.

“Not like this.” Shinra frowns turning to him with suspicion lacing his gaze. “Not unless he was pushed.”

Izaya just shrugs, opening his mouth to speak when a scream rings out. They both whip around, finding four boys in red behind them. Hero is front and center, hands curled in his hair and body hunched like he’s been punched in the gut.

“You-you…!” Alpha stammers, lost for words and just as horrified. Shakespeare doesn’t even try to hold in his emotions, tears already slipping down his big cheeks and Izaya feels guilty immediately. The big man is essentially a little kid in his mind, and the tears make him want to shy away from the blame.

“It had to be that blond, Heiwajima.” Shark speaks up, frowning hard. “He’s the only one strong enough.” His expression is dark, livid in a way that cancels any resemblance he held to Shinra before.

“You’re gonna pay for this. Get them!” Alpha commands, and the boys move together in a blur.

Shakespeare gets to him first, hauling Izaya up and behind before he can react at all. He doesn’t fight it, just allows the big man to swing him up and out of the line of fire. If the boys want to hurt him, they’ll have to go through the 300 pounds of muscle and mass that is Shakespeare. For now, he’s safe.

But that means Shinra is still vulnerable.

He finds this, thankfully, isn’t much of a concern when the three boys halt before Shakespeare. Hero has his eyes trained on Izaya, aching with murderous intent to avenge his brother. His reasoning must be that since Shizuo killed someone he loves, he’ll do the same. _‘An eye for an eye,’_ Izaya muses.

“What are you doing?” Alpha demands, and Shakespeare backs up with an intense look of shame and guilt. “Give him to us!” He yells, and Shakespeare shakes his head.

“You stupid _fuck!”_ He snarls, reaching into his back pocket for what is likely a gun or knife.

“Wait,” Shark gasps, coming out of his rage and latching onto Alpha’s arm. The smaller boy trembles with the effort of keeping his furious leaders arm down, but somehow manages. “We can’t, killing him won’t help Zero.”

“Why the fuck not?! He _betrayed_ us!”

“No.” Shark protests, and Izaya notices a flash of light and Shinra moving in the shadows. “It’s not his fault and you know it.” Thunder rumbles above them menacingly, lightning crashing in the distance and getting closer fast. The storms they've been having are bizarre, and Izaya wonders if it has something to do with Shizuo for a moment. He dismisses that thought quickly, however, deeming it insane. 

“But he’s protecting him!” The gang leader shouts, evidently desperate to avenge Zero and keep things under control. 

“That’s not the point!” Shark says desperately, his calm and cool demeanor slipping away entirely. He's breathing hard, glancing to the sky with panic. _'I suppose he doesn't like storms...'_

“Then what is!?” Alpha yells furiously, thunder cracking like a whip above them and lightning flashing. He sees the anger, the sorrow in the gazes of the three boys before him, so much like Shizuo’s own.

“The point, the point is... it's... _you!"_ He fumbles, face twisting on a whirlwind of different emotions. " _You_ started this! _You_ dragged us into this mess; we just wanted to have fun!” He chokes, dragging air in through quick shaky gasps.

“We just wanted to be a family, and you fucked everything up-” Shark is slammed down in a blur, head cracking against the concrete and a cry of pain escaping him shakily. Alpha growls over him, on his knees, furious and low. He raises his hand to strike him hard across the face, and Izaya can tell it will leave a nasty mark. There's a wail in the air, something familiar that sets off a panic deep in his bones, but he can't place it with the way his mind is racing. 

"I’M the leader! You follow MY orders!” He yells, grabbing hold of the poor boys shirt and shaking him. “DO. You. Understand!?” The sudden screech of tires saves the poor kid from answering, Celty arriving on shooter. Shizuo is behind her, holding on around her waist. He’s still bloody, eyes dark behind the black helmet she likely made him wear.

“Shizu-chan,” Izaya gasps, noting the way Shakespeare shoves him back and away from the blond some. He scowls, pushing forward and ignoring the big mans tense whine.

“What are you doing here?!” He cries over the wind and thunder. He stomps down the urge to fight his way through the rain, the same need to protect the idiot rising strongly over his anger. _'Disgusting.'_ He thinks, scowling at himself. Their gazes meet and Shizuo finches, looking like a guilty dog being scolded by his owner. 

“I called them.” Shinra smiles, waving his phone. “Well, I texted them, but it sounds cooler to say I called them. For some reason.” He shrugs, completely unaffected by the tense, violent atmosphere. Celty is jumpy, tense and shaky like she’s scared and the reason why is clear a second later. They couldn’t hear it over the thunder, but police sirens are screaming louder and louder the closer they get. She drags shinra close with her shadows, and he hugs her soothingly. Police cares arrive, lining up around the alley.

There’s no time to escape.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas!


	11. We Can't Take The Smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got the most requests for this one to be updated (4 in total, I think? Mostly on FF.net) so here you go!

**“Step forward slowly and put your hands up.”** A policeman speaks from his bullhorn. It's cold, air chilled with the early bite of winter and the rain isn't helping. They're all soaked to the bone, water is dripping from his hair into his eyes and making it hard to see. The sirens cut off but the lights from the police cars are lighting up the alleyway and getting full view of all it’s occupants, including Zero’s headless body. Rain falls around them like crystals, sparkling beautifully to the contrast of danger and fear that surrounds them.

 **“Surrender now or we will use force.”** Comes the policeman again, other officers readying their guns. It’s more for show, Izaya knows, because they can’t just start shooting. He can see more officers in the background, with bullet proof vests and other similar black armor over their uniforms ready to arrest them using brute force. The gang kids pull close to each other, Alpha moving to the very front; not as a sign of dominance this time, but to be the first in the line of fire and to protect his gang. That’s how these gangsters are, loyal to their color to the very end.

_‘How stupid.’_

Black smoke explodes, curling and shielding Izaya and the others from the police. He moving, trying to find Shizuo, until the smoke begins curling around his own wrists. They’re tugged above his head, holding him no matter how hard he wrenches trying to get free. Izaya looks around for the source desperately, but can’t find it in the smoke.

He jumps when arms wrap around his waist, someone, a man, licking the shell of his ear with a sinister laugh. He struggles harder, attempting to kick out behind him since he has no way to get to his knives.

 _“Aha, naughty,”_ The voice purrs, turning Izaya’s blood to ice in his veins. It sounds like him, his own laugh and purr coming from this stranger.

“Shizu-chan!” He yells desperately, hating himself but too disturbed to do anything else. That voice, it sounded like... him. _‘That can’t be, it’s someone else...’_ He assures himself weakly.

 _“Ooh I’m afraid Shizu-chan can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Cause he’s dead! Hahaha!”_ His own voice laughed back at him, parting the smoke enough to reveal Shizuo kneeled on the ground with his hands over his head lke he was hiding from some awful monster. He, unlike Izaya, was unrestrained. _“I’ve always wanted to make that joke,”_ The sinister voice chuckles, and to Izaya’s relief, he can see Shizuo is breathing.

“Who are you,” Izaya gasps, feeling positively sick when the hands around his waist slip up under his shirt and start to caress his chest. _‘What the fuck?’_ Fur brushes against his stomach, the same fur he has on the sleeves of his own jacket.

 _“Wouldn't you like to know,”_ coos the man. He moves his tongue to Izaya’s neck, biting down hard enough to break the skin.

“Ugh, knock it off!” Izaya struggles harder, but the smoke around his wrists and arms around his body keep him firmly in place. He kicks out again, this time managing to hit the man behind him rather hard. Unfortunately, there’s little to no reaction. “Shizu-chan, get up!” He snaps, glancing around for any sign of Celty, or anyone else that could help him.

“Shut up,” Shizuo moans back, much to his displeasure. He’s shaking his head, refusing to look up and Izaya can’t figure out what has the monster so distressed.

 _“Shizu-chan~”_ The other Izaya coos, moving one hand down below the buckle of Izaya’s pants, much to his horror. _“Don’t you want to get in on this?”_

“Shut up.” Shizuo says again, curling in on himself tighter. “Shut up, shut up, just shut up! You’re not real!”

 **“For your own safety, step out of the smoke with your hands up.”** Comes the police officer again, and behind him his own voice growls in annoyance. The shadowy smoke dissipates, revealing the gang, and Shinra, on their knees with their hands restrained behind their back and shadows wrapped around their mouths. Celty is standing unrestrained, but entirely motionless, apparently frozen in shock at the sight of whoever is behind him. _'Hurry up and help us,'_ He thinks, stomach curling with dread when she doesn't even twitch.

“It looks like we have a hostage situation-” Izaya catches an officer speaking, and the man behind him snarls. Shadows shoot out, wrapping around his mouth and nose, holding tight as he struggles and screams beneath the wrap. The same happens to the other officers, one by one until they start to turn blue in the face and drop unconscious to the ground. Laughter rings out, and the shadows don’t disappear even after they’re all knocked out, and the gang looks on in horror. ‘He intends to suffocate them!’

“Shizuo Heiwajima you are a lot of things, a beast, a monster, stupid, violent, handsome, but you are not a coward!” Izaya manages to wrench one hand free, fetching a knife faster than the man behind him can stop him, and launching it at Shizuo. It sinks into his shoulder, wetting the top of his vest strap as blood begins to seep out around the new wound. “Now get up and help us you stupid-!”

The man's hand wrenches away from where he’d been slipping it down his pants and slaps it over his mouth, which is disgusting by the way, and growls angrily in his ear. _“You’re being a very bad boy,”_   He growls with Izaya’s voice, but Shizuo is finally standing up.

“You’re right,” he says quietly, finally looking up at them. Shinra, a little ways off and still tied up, is looking rapidly between he and his would be molester. “I’m not a coward. So let go of him, it’s me you’re out to torture!” He snaps, and the hands slip away from Izaya. The smoke holding his wrist releases him.

 _“I’m trying to help you!”_ The man steps around Izaya, and he swears his heart stops for a moment. The man himself is shadowy, solid but with tendrils of smoke delicately curling off his frame. He’s dressed like Izaya, same haircut he can tell even from the back. _“I'm helping you get what you want!"_

"Mmph!” Shinra gets their attention then, nodding his head the fallen cops urgently. They still have shadows around their mouths, and Izaya realizes they’ve long since stopped breathing.

“Release them,” Shizuo gasps over a violent clap of thunder. “Release them!”

 _“Why? They’re already dead.”_ The evil man turns around, showing Izaya his face. They’re identical to each other, minus a few key differences. Shadow Izaya has brighter, redder eyes, gleaming with sinister intent. His hair, too, seems to curl and fade like wisps of smoke at the ends. He’s paler as well, almost translucent in the too bright headlights of the cop cars.

He glances at Celty, but she hasn’t moved an inch. He steps towards her, waving a hand in front of her helmet. Despite her lack of eyes he knows she’d typically react, but he gets no response from the dullahan. He has an idea, suddenly, and pulls off her helmet.

As he expects, no shadows come out.

“Shizu-chan,” He breathes, getting the shell shocked blonds attention. He looks over, taking a minute to figure out what’s wrong. Shinra wails though his gag behind them, fighting to stand up and falling over in his haste. He looks terrified, eyes locked on the love of hi life standing still as a statue in the pouring rain.

“Is she, is she...dead?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to update this again soon, and comments help! What do you guys want to see updated next?


	12. We Can't Take The Twist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick recap of everything- Shizuo found himself in an "alternate reality" where he was a teenager again and Izaya didn't hate him. He realized his feelings just as he found a way to escape this reality- by killing Izaya. He wakes up, finding it all to be a simulation run by a machine made by Shinra and Celty. He is aware he's in love with Izaya, and is tormented by Izaya's voice in his head telling him to do awful things. He and Izaya get caught by a gang, who are now after them for witnessing murder scene they created. Izaya and Shizuo make a deal- they will date, provided Shizuo kills the gang to protect Izaya. Shizuo has killed one of the gang kids, now four remain and are aware of their brothers death. Now, Izaya, Shizuo, Celty, Shinra, the gang, and Shadow Izaya are in a fight in an alley. Cops have been killed, and Celty has just collapsed, presumed to be dead. What more can go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I haven't updated in so long. Rest assured, my few wonderful fans, that I didn't and will never abandon this. It will be completed! Aah, rereading this is so strange. I had to, to remember where I was in the story and what was going on, you know? And it's like...certain things I wrote for Izaya, had him say or do, was just so ooc and lame?? I dunno. I have a habit of getting annoyed when he's ooc in a fic and then doing it myself without realizing it.

_‘No. No no no no no!’_ Shizuo’s head swims with horror, eyes darting from the fresh corspes of dead cops and the fresher body of his very best friend. He back away, towards the exit, set on escaping this terrible reality. He’s halted when someone grabs his wrist, yanking him back towards the direction he’d intended to flee from.

“Stop being a coward,” Izaya commands, red eyes dark in the night, like the finest wine. “You have to fix this.” Shizuo thinks maybe it’s Shinra’s despair that’s driving Izaya to care. He knows that Shinra is possibly the only person who could get Izaya to care about anything. And right now, with the way he’s wailing behind his shadowy gag for his headless lover, he’s sure Izaya suddenly cares a whole lot.

 _“You are such a brat,”_ the other Izaya sighs, smiling cruelly at the real one. _“Don’t you know, Izaya? This is all your fault.”_

“...Okay.” Izaya’s eyes narrow, turning to face his shadowy self. He stands calm, spreading his arms in a lazy shrug. “Okay, sure, let’s say it is my fault. What then?”

 _“Huh…?”_ Shadow Izaya blinks, the smoke stilling from where it had been angrily curling around him.

“It’s my fault,” Izaya repeats. ”Now what do we do about it? How do I get you to go away? Information? Fatty Tuna? An endless supply of fur coats?”

“Are you seriously making jokes right now,” Shizuo seethes, glaring without much heat. At this point he’s cold, wet, and sick of standing in the rain in this stupid alleyway arguing with a shadowy douchebag version of his douchebag crush, his actual douchebag crush, Shinra, some teenage murderers, and a dullahan.

It’s like the strangest gangbang porn ever, honestly, and he’s tired of it.

“I’m poking fun at myself, how can you of all people be mad about that,” Izaya retorts, huffing.

“Mmph!” Shinra’s strangled cry interrupts them both, and the other Izaya sighs irritably.

 _“Quiet, dear, I’m busy,”_ he says sternly . Shizuo raises an eyebrow at that, and both Izaya (the normal one) and Shinra look to him, just as surprised.

“Dear?” He echos, shivering a little. He’s soaked to the bone, freezing cold. The other Izaya just looks annoyed, if a bit confused.

 _“What,”_ the other Izaya tilts his head, glaring them, _“Why are you so surprised?”_

“...aha! Hahaha!” Izaya gaspes, eyes wide and delighted, perked up like he’s been struck with great fortune.“Haha, oh, no! Oh, this is too good!”

“What the fuck is funny, flea!?” Shizuo snarls. Why does he have to be in the dark about everything? Why has everything gone to shit, when he just wants to drink his milk and maybe jerk off to thoughts of his mortal enemy in peace?

“Him!” Izaya points at a semi-offended looking shadow informant. “He’s-this is! I can’t believe it! Oh, boy, did you slip up.” Shizuo can’t believe it either. Mostly because he doesn’t know what this oh so important mistake is. Going by the annoyed, yet bewildered look on the shadows dicks face, he hasn’t realized his mistake either.

 _“Oh like you’re so gre-”_ Shadow Izaya cuts himself off, apparently realizing he’s just insulting himself. _“...shit.”_

“Look,” Izaya chuckles, striding over to a still gagged and restrained Shinra. Shizuo notices his shadowy tormenter getting tense, eyeing Izaya nervously. He practically bares his teeth in a snarl when Izaya shoves Shinra onto his back and starts unzipping his jeans.

“Mmph!!” Shinra protests this with wide eyes, as the shadow man’s eyes glow brighter and brighter in fury. “Mm-mmphoo! Mphoo!”

_“Just what do you think you’re doing?!”_

“I’d like to know too,” Shizuo adds, balling his hands into fists.

“This,” Izaya purrs, pulling Shinra’s limp dick from his pants. He opens his mouth, leaning over Shinra as if he intends to place his friends dick in his mouth. He barely gets his tongue out before the shadow murderous version of himself is upon him, grabbing Izataby the back of the neck and launching him at the side of the alley. His body hits hard, and Shizuo swears he hears at least one sickening crack of bones breaking. Izaya slides down the wall, feet scraping through the mud as he fights to stay somewhat upright, groaning in pain.

Shinra, for one, doesn’t look like he has any sympathy for Izaya, at the moment.

 _“I’LL KILL YOU,”_ Shadow Izaya snarls, tugging Shinra’s wet jeans back up, to everyone’s relief. _“I WILL END YOU FOR THAT!”_

“Of course you will... ” Izaya sits up, only using one arm, while the other hangs limp and twisted at his side, smirking deviously. “After all, there’s no way Celty would tolerate someone forcing themselves on Shinra… Right?”

“...what?” Shizuo stares, but Izaya doesn’t look at him, entirely focused on his shadowy half.

“I get it now,” Izaya chuckles, tilting his head up proudly. “I know where you came from!”

“Care to explain it then?” Shizuo growls.

“Of course, dear Shizu-chan,” he purrs. “That man, right there," he points to the other Izaya, who, frankly, just looks incredibly pissed off and done with all of this. “That monster is really Celty. Born of Shinra’s creation, from the machine he used to mess with Shizuo’s mind.”

“...did you have to take his dick out to prove that?” Shizuo asks then shakes his head as reality hits him. “Wait, what?!”

Izaya finally looks at him, eyes holding a manic gleam that he just knows means he’s in trouble. “And the best part! The best part, Shizu-chan… It was never intended as a murder simulation! Now, I don’t know what it was used for, exactly, but it certainly wasn’t for that. Oh, what a lame excuse that was. How did I not see this earlier?”

“Aah, dang it,” Shinra sighs, and Shizuo’s head whips around to see him gag free and frowning. “Somehow, I knew you’d catch on and ruin it.” Beside him the other Izaya deflates- quite literally. His shadows cave and curl downwards, zipping across the ground and back to Celty’s still standing body. They disappear into her neck, a few stray whisps leaking from the hole there, as usual. After a moment she shudders and relaxes, stretching her muscles from where they’d been still so long. Shinra stands up, taking his glasses off to wipe them on his wet coat, his smokey bonds gone.

“Wha...what?” He can barely choke the words out, suddenly sick to his stomach. _‘Oh please, oh please no.’_

“They played us, Shizu-chan,” Izaya sighs, still slumped against the brick as Celty comes back to herself. “This was just a big _trick.”_

[Shizuo, I am so, SO sorry.] Celty steps forward, holding out her phone to him. The screen is wet, dotted with raindrops and hard to read even without his vision being blurry to start with. He blinks hard, swallowing against the tight lump in his throat. _‘Oh, no, not this, I can’t…’_

All those terrible days, locked in a teenage nightmare, killing an innocent imaginary Izaya, realizing his feelings, scaring the flea for the first time ever, killing a man… all of it, for...what? A prank?

[It’s not a prank!] Celty types, hands shaking. How did she-oh, of course… she has a link to his mind. [I swear, I was trying to help-wait, what? You KILLED someone!?!?]

“...A boy,” he finally chokes, welling up again with shame and grief. “He was just a kid-” he gasps, his world tilting dangerously around him.

“He was a murderer.” Izaya’s voice cuts through his spiral with startling clarity. Izaya looks to Celty with suspicious eyes, while Shizuo tries to relax as the tsunami of hurt and angry and shame and a gigantic storm of other emotions crash upon him. “Shouldn’t you know that? If you were in his mind…”

“You _pushed_ me,” Shizuo snarls, catching a brief look at Shinra’s confused and started expression. “I _remember!_ You were the one who told me to murder that kid!” before he focuses on Celty’s phone, addressing her that way since she isn’t wearing her helmet, and he really doesn’t want to confront her stump neck.

[What!? I would never do that!] She protests, but he snarls, storming forward with his fists bared.

“You told me all these awful things! You taunted me in his voice and called me crazy and- and, you tormented me!” He’s gasping, looming over Celty and ignoring her frantic typing. “I’ve been in constant hell for weeks now-Why would you _do_ that?”

“Celty, darling…?” Shinra asks, looking from her to Shizuo, clearly confused and worried. “What is Shizuo-kun talking about?”

[I don’t know! I would never do that to you, Shizuo! I don’t know!] She’s shaking all over now, feet slipping in the mixture of mud and blood at their feet as she tries to back away.

“She doesn’t remember, probably,” Izaya supplies, smiling when they all turn to stare at him. “Tell me, dear courier, how much do you remember of being me? Hmm?”

[I...I was helping him… I swear I was-] Her hands are shaking so hard her phone slips from her fingers, hitting the ground.

“Celty,” Shinra says, reaching out to take her hands in his, holding them gently. “Celty, love, do you remember anything?” There’s a heavy pause, lingering in the air like defeat, until her body sags and she collapses against him, trembling. They all look to each other, some with more dread than others.

“Don’t forget, she killed at least half the police unit,” Izaya reminds them, smiling warily. “Suffocated them with those shadows of hers.” Shizuo wonders where the rest of them are, wonders if backup is on the way or if she’s killed them too, somehow.

“No, no!” Shinra laughs, waving a dismissive hand with his other arm wrapped around his distraught girlfriend. “I’m sure she didn’t actually...Celty?” She only hugs Shinra tighter, forever silent.  
“Oh, well that’s okay Celty… They weren’t important, you know? As long as you’re okay, my love…” He holds her, though his words aren’t at all comforting to the anguished dullahan. Shizuo isn’t feeling much better, honestly. His legs are shaking, heart hammering, dizzy like he’s going to faint… but he can’t. He has to keep standing, has to keep going alone, because unlike Celty, he doesn’t have anyone to hold him up.

“So who killed Zero?” Hero snarls, stepping forward from the back of the alley. “The blonde monster, or the headless bitch?!” Truthfully, Shizuo had forgotten all about the gang of kids even being there. They feel so unimportant, now.

“Why don’t we discuss that over some hot tea and maybe a nice, plaster arm cast.” Izaya grunts, pushing himself off wet brick and to his feet smoothly, holding his left arm and smiling like he’s not in pain. “Your place, Dr. Kishitani?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, but I hope you liked it. From here things should calm down. This should be the last big plot twist, I hope. Honestly I don't think the story even makes sense. It's just a big bunch of "What? Ooh! WOW! Huh?? What? What. That doesn't... what? Ugh...what? What."
> 
> Comments fuel me but I understand if you don't want to leave any


	13. We Can't Take The Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I know it's been a fuckin MONTH, I'm sorrryyyyyyyyyy but hey hello I'm back!! <3 <3

It was so funny. Really, it was. The lies and deceit, the betrayal, the murders- everything! Hilarious. Even he was struggling to keep up, mentally going over the facts in his head as Shinra quietly put the finishing touches to his cast.

Shizuo was sitting beside him on the couch, (which would have been unthinkable, a few months ago) arms thrown over the back and not looking at either of them. He hasn’t said a word since they got to Shinra’s and Celty’s place, quietly brooding to himself.

Hysterical.

“That smile of yours is very irritating, Orihara-kun,” Shinra informs him, standing up and dusting off his coat. “My beautiful fiance is deeply distressed right now, you know? I don’t like that her grief is causing you to smile like a snake who’s ruined someone's day.”

“How could I not be amused, though?” He reclines leisurely on the couch, grinning up at his only friend. He knows he’s already pushing it, of course, but he can’t help himself. “She’s gone and done something so heinous to her own best friend. She didn’t even know she was doing it! Ha! Hahaha!”

“Shut up, Orihara-kun,” Shinra warns, the threat clear in his tone as he looms over Izaya’s seat on the couch. Izaya smirks up at him, as relaxed as possible, despite knowing full well just how dangerous Shinra can be, when it concerns Celty.

“It’s just so amusing, really. Look at all the trouble she’s caused!” He laughs, louder this time, and to his own ears it sounds like a challenge. Just what is he defending, though? “All those nasty things she said to Shizu-chan, weeks and weeks of torment and anguish, and you’re worried about her feelings?” He shakes his head at the doctor, tsking under his breath. “What a rotten friend you are. She’s worse, though.”

“Do you really think that’s a smart thing to say about my darling angel?” A scalpel comes out, shining in the light as Shinra holds it out at him threateningly. He refuses to flinch. “I really hope you don’t think I’ll hold back because we’re friends.”

“You make me sick,” Izaya blurts sincerely, and it surprises even him. He can feel Shizuo’s gaze snapping over towards him, finally having looked up from the floor. Shinra’s shock fade to anger, a rare look for the typically cheerful man.

“Interesting…” His eyes narrow into a glare, gripping his scalpel tighter. “I always knew you were a hypocrite, but not to such an extreme extent.”

“Pardon?” Izaya narrows his eyes right back, but refuses to give up his nonchalant smile just yet.  
“Calling us bad, going on about how we messed up- ha! Like you have any room to talk. Just think of all the horrible things you’ve done to Shizuo-kun. And to others; not that you care.” He shakes his head like he’s speaking to horribly ignorant child. “And here you are speaking ill of Celty. Tsk, you can’t even be bothered to say thank you.”

“Thank you?” Izaya echos incredulously, arching an eyebrow. “You want me to say thank you? For what? I didn’t get to break Shizu-chan- your monster girlfriend did, along with conditioning him to come to me for comfort,” he sneers. “How is that supposed to be rewarding for me, in any way?”

“Love, Izaya!” Shinra snaps, expression contorting into something dark and angry. “You think we did all this just for him? No.”

“Why did you even do it,” Shizuo cuts in. “What was the point?”

Shinra sighs, finally putting his knife away. “The original plan was simple. We just wanted to give you a look at a better version of Izaya…That’s what Celty and I planned. But then I thought that we could do more, that if we could just show you a better Izaya, it would turn better results! Things just kept getting more intense, as we began stretching her powers.” Slowly, he begins to pace back and forth in front of the couch.

“We made the machine,” he continues, still pacing. “It was inspired by all those new VR games- I know a friend who programs things like that, and she helped me work out the math and make up the blueprints, etc. We made the program, and Celty made the machine out of her shadows. That, as it turned out, gave her a connection to the program, allowing her to manipulate the code. As we experimented, we found out she could control the environment itself.”

“What does this have to do her going insane,” Izaya cuts in but Shizuo shushes him, left they make the doctor angry again.

“As I told you before, it really was supposed to be short.” Shinra looks to Shizuo apologetically. “But once you were inside, we realised… well. Celty had made too deep of a connection. She wasn’t just part of the machine, now, she was the machine.”

“We couldn’t add in a way to end the simulation without risking damage, but we could take away what was already installed, or we’d risk hurting her. In the end, we decided we needed to eliminate the focus of the simulation to end it...and that turned out to be Izaya” There’s that guilty look again. “He was designed to be harmless and nice and, well, normal. I wanted to expose you to a better version of him, for a brief time, just to plant the seed in your head. Telling Izaya it was a murder game, that was just a convenient lie. I never wanted the game to actually become that.”

“Why would you even do that in the first place? Why fo to all that work?” Shizuo is looking increasingly upset, betrayal all over his face. “What exactly did you want me to think about the guy who’s ruined my life for years?”

“We wanted to improve your relationship, and thought we’d try by showing you that he could be someone you could come to like.” Shinra shrugs helplessly, regret clear across his face. “Seeing a better side of him, an Izaya that was considerate and empathetic and liked you, well, I thought it would inspire you to give him a chance.”

“But that isn’t me, and I never asked for Shizu-chan to give me a chance.” Izaya cuts in darkly. Shinra’s eyes swivel to meet his with a sigh.

“Come on, Orihara-kun, we both know you’d do good to have someone on your side.” Shinra smiles, looking more and more strained by the second. “I was trying to help, and it worked, somewhat…”

“But I am none of those things, and you know it.” He feels betrayed, though he’d never admit it. “Why allow Shizuo to fall for a shell of myself, when you know that’s not who I am?” He laughs, but it sticks uncomfortably in his throat. “I just don’t understand how that’s helpful to anyone.”

“Exposure!” Shinra snaps, exasperation finally breaking through. He pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to hold back his frustration. “If we could just get him thinking of you in a different light, it would put everything into motion! And guess what, Orihara-kun? It worked.”

Izaya dismisses the notion with a wave of his hand. “Oh please. It’s a crush. One born of sexual desire, no doubt, not that Shizu-chan will admit it.” He narrows his eyes suddenly, as something occurs to him. “Say...just what happened in that simulation, hmm? Don’t tell me he and the fake me slept together?”

“Of course not!” Shinra gasps. A furious nod from Shizuo confirms this.

“Fine, then.” He sits back, crossing his arms. “So you’re saying that because Shizuo was exposed to some hollow version of myself, he decided he lusts for me?” He nods, and they both ignore Shizuo’s mumble of it not being lust. “Bullshit.”

“Then what do you think happened?” Shinra raises an eyebrow at him, crossing his arms right back at the informant. Izaya lets a slow smirk spread across his face, the air around them growing tense and cold with the weight of his next words.

“Celty is the one who corrupted Shizuo’s mind, right? I think she corrupted his feelings, too. Maybe got them... mixed with hers.”

“...Just what are you suggesting, Orihara?” Ooh, Shinra dropped the honorific. Izaya knows he’s made him mad now, and pushes on with a sadistic grin. He stands from the couch to lean in uncomfortably close, further pushing his friends buttons just because he can.

“I’m saying that your dear Celty clearly has secret fantasies about me, and those fantasies got tangled in Shizu-chan’s psyche when he was in the simulation.” He smiles pleasantly as he says this, letting his arms uncross and fall behind his back. He rocks on his heels playfully, taking pleasure at the pure, burning hatred he finds in Shinra’s eyes. “Your dear dullahan lover wants to do dirty, nasty, x-rated things with me,” he coos, voice breaking over the spill of fiendish laughter.

All hell breaks loose.

Shinra launches himself at Izaya, tackling the informant and sending them both hurtling over the back of the couch. They hit the floor with a thud, and Izaya keeps them rolling around while Shizuo jumps up. Shinra gets on top of him at one point, knife out and narrowly missing his face as he stabs it hard enough to embed the metal instrument in the floor.

“Knock it off!” Shizuo snaps coming close to break them up. He jerks back when Shinra rips the scalpel from the floor and swings it in his direction. Izaya takes the chance to flip them over so he’s on top, trying to pin the thrashing man down.

“Butt out, Shizu-chan!” He manages through grit teeth. Shinra bucks, once, twice, then a third time until he gets an arm free. He pulls a long, wicked looking syringe free from his coat this time, swinging it like a knife and catching at the skin at Izaya’s shoulder where it meets his neck. It tears a jagged slice, not too deep, but deep enough to make him hiss and pull away.

Thankfully Shizuo catches Shinra before he can get up and attack a third time, holding him back by the arms. He’s annoyed, but also relieved, knowing Shinra wouldn’t have stopped until he’d succeeded in slicing his throat.

“Get out,” Shinra barks, eyes wild as he struggles against Shizuo’s iron grip. “Run away like you always do, Orihara! Because...” He throws his head back in a riotous laugh, loud and startling. “Because if I find you, I will kill you.”

“Pull it together,” Shizuo snaps, shaking the doctor in his arms. “He’s just lashing out because he can’t accept that I… y’know,” Shizuo says, suddenly timid.

“That you what, Shizu-chan?” Izaya scoffs, ignoring the throbbing pain of his freely bleeding shoulder. The drying blood is making his skin itchy, and his head is stirring with the beginnings of a headache. “Because you think you have feelings for me? Please,” he laughs, “That’s insane. That shadow monster Shinra calls a girlfriend just poisoned your thoughts, that’s all.”

“Don’t talk about her that way, you rat!” Shinra shouts, and goes ignored. “She’s a goddess!”

“If that was true, if I didn’t have… _feelings_ ,” he spits the word out like it’s dog shit in his mouth, “then why the fuck would I still be tryin’ to defend you right now?”

“You’re not thinking straight.” He waves his hand dismissivly, wincing when the motion tugs at his wounded shoulder.

“Why is it so terrible if I happen to like you, flea!?” The angered shout irritates his growing headache, and he shuts his eyes with an irritated sigh, trying to shut Shizuo’s voice out. “What are you hiding from, Izaya-kun? Why aren’t you even trying to take advantage of me?” Shinra stops struggling at this point, either realizing it’s useless or becoming more invested in their argument than his anger. “Hey, are you even listening to me-?”

“I did,” he protests, opening his eyes to glare at the blonde. “I told you, if you killed that gang for me I’d do anything you wanted! And you agreed, Shizu-chan, remember? We made a deal.”

“You only said that ‘cause you didn’t think I’d do it.”

 _“No,”_ he corrects bitingly, “I said that because I thought you’d want something much easier to give.”

Shizuo scoffs at him now. “Yeah, like I’d murder kids for sex.”

“You did it for a date!” Izaya shouts, running a hand roughly through his hair.

“I didn’t mean to kill him…”

“But you agreed to in the first place,” Izaya counters, and Shizuo ducks his head in shame. “And besides, people have done worse for sex. No one does something like that just to have dinner or something a few times with someone they barely fancy.”

“They’d do for love!” Shizuo protests, then clamps his mouth shut when he apparently realizes what he’s just said. The room goes quiet, the three of them stilled into shock strong enough enough to clog their throats and allow the awkward air to breed.

“...you don’t love me,” he says eventually, shakily, to no reply. Shizuo isn’t looking at him anymore, head bowed and eyes hidden by the fringe of his hair.

“You can’t love me,” Izaya insists, when no one else speaks up to deny Shizuo’s words. “You hated me the moment you saw me! I make your life hell-I make everyone’s lives hell!”

“...I don’t hate all the things you do to me as much as you think,” Shizuo mumbles quietly, and it makes something nervous and shy well up in his chest.

“But… you _can’t.”_ It doesn’t make sense, he thinks, as he stands there, heart hammering painfully in his chest. He looks at the blonde, caught on frustration swirling through his head and in his heart.

“Why not?” Shizuo asks quietly, sounding just as flustered a Izaya feels.

“You can’t love me,” he repeats helplessly, “because… because no one does.” Shizuo’s head snaps up, as if he’s seeing him for the very first time.

“Izaya-kun. I… I get that.”

“You don’t.” He steps away as Shizuo steps forward, letting go of Shinra who stands back to watch them. “You don’t understand how I feel.”

“Everyone is afraid of me,” Shizuo comes a little bit closer, now, and Izaya doesn’t retreat as far as he did before. “They all run away when they see me.”

“You have friends,” he counters. “They all accept you, beastly strength and all.”

“But they’re still afraid,” Shizuo breathes as he takes the last step towards Izaya, who stays in place this time. Their eyes are locked on each other, for once in a non-predatory way. “You don’t have to hide the ugly parts of yourself.”

“That doesn’t mean much when no one likes me. There’s no one to hide from,” Izaya laughs. “You’ve never had to watch your own sisters call your worst enemy ‘Shizu-nii.’”

“You’ve never tried to kill your brother over pudding.”

“You’ve never been purposely excluded from events by your only friend.”

“You’ve never been treated like an escaped attraction at a freak show.”

“You’ve never looked out over a city full of humans and felt entirely alone,” Izaya breathes, and Shizuo smiles back bitterly.

“Wanna bet?” Shizuo presses their foreheads together, skin feverishly hot against Izaya’s own, burning him down to his core. “You make me feel alive, Izaya. You make me feel like I could lift the moon itself just to throw it at you. You make me want to chase you around the world, as many times as it takes until I can finally catch you. You make me feel like-”

“Like someone is electrocuting you, pumping fire through your veins till your whole body feels like a live wire, everytime our eyes meet?” Izaya whispers.

“I’ve felt like that since they first met,” Shizuo replies, ducking his head in close. “And i’ve never stopped.” Izaya leans up to meet him in a kiss that’s dangerously divine, a taste so addicting he knows he’ll never get enough.

...and maybe that’s okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is DISGUSTING! Ughhhhh it's so sappy and mushy I wanna puuuuke I HATE it but I also like it fuck fuck fuck whatever I hope I didn't like melt you with that sugary ending. I might need a week off to recover haha. 
> 
> So. This would have been a great way to end the story? But, don't worry, I'm not, since we still have some things to resolve and we still need sweet baby Izaya to get gay as hell with Shiu-baby. Maybe have a date. Maybe fuck like animals. We'll see what happens.
> 
> Comments fuel me!!

**Author's Note:**

> Kanra-chan loves you, please don't be mad?? <3 Sorry... I'm working really hard on this, I hope it gets good reviews.


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